The ache in my heart has been intense the past few days. I feel the water getting deeper.
I miss my girls, miss their voices, miss their sweet faces and, believe it or not, I miss the way they used to sass back and forth to one another. If you would have asked me in the pumpkin patch on Saturday October 19th, as my girls were fighting over what pumpkin they were going to stand next to for the annual pumpkin patch shot, I would have said I would never miss the sassiness For us, as I’m sure for most parents, the kids fighting about absolutely everything was at the bottom of our list when it comes to enjoyable family moments. I would often say that we knew that we blended our families properly by the way they liked to fight back and forth. My girls loved to use the word annoying when describing one another and it drove me nuts. So nuts, that not to long ago I declared that annoying was now a “cuss word” in our house. Eye rolls all around.
At this very moment I would love to yell upstairs and tell the girls to leave each other alone. I would love to be frustrated at the fact they were being so intolerant of one another. I would love to see Abigail’s eye roll and to hear Anna’s sigh. I would love to hear them both stomp upstairs and turn their music up loud to annoy each other; Anna listening to Taylor Swift and Abigail her favorite radio station. I would love to hear them say each other’s name emphasizing the first syllable for extra jab. I would love to be frustrated at the fact my girls weren’t getting along rather than have this terrible ache of missing them.
Instead I have this video, taken in secret, using their Mama’s cell phone. I’m not sure how Abigail got Anna to think catching bubbles (aka soap) in her mouth was fun, but she did. I love this video because it shows how my girls could have fun doing anything. It shows them simply being sisters.
I love this video but I wish had the real thing.
love-drenched-life.com 
Susan, I have never met you, but since you lost your girls, my heart has ached for you and your husband in ways I never thought I was capable of. I was driving through town yesterday with my boyfriend, looking for apartments/houses to rent, and you were over at the tree across from your home. You saw us, we both smiled at eachother and waved. I am amazed by how strong and kind of a person you are, and you are truly such an example of a loving and compassionate being. I hope that if I ever experience something as painful as you have, that I will still be able to smile and wave to a stranger. Thank you for keeping up with your blog. It’s a joy to read about Abby and Anna.
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Thank you Ally for you kind words. Good luck finding a a house or an apartment.. not sure if you already live in Forest Grove but it’s a great place to be… especially Old Town.
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I love the girls’ interaction! I love how no one is boss because they are older or “not boss” because they are younger! They both boss, and they both listen. They have twin souls that mesh beautifully. You and Tom brought them together, and they grew a beautiful bond.
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May you feel the Lord’s loving embrace as he holds ALL of you right now….and find comfort knowing that He’s got you right beside each other in His arms.
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Love your girls! I got an eye-roll from mine last night over an “annoying” little brother and thought of your post. Abigail and Anna were true sisters with all that entails…annoying one another, helping one another, sassing back and forth, laughing hysterically with each other. I can only imagine how much you miss mothering them and my thoughts and prayers are with you daily my friend!
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They are the cutest little ones. I wish that we could help shoulder some of the grief for you – I wish it worked that way. There is sure a lot of collective sadness and grief for your family. We’ll just keep praying. It is better to ‘have love and lost, than to have never loved at all’ – but what a heavy price.
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Susan
I love Abigail’s kindness and gentleness when Anna spilled the bubbles. What a blessing to the person fortunate enough to receive that kind and loving heart. And Anna truly the face of an angel. Love and prayers sweet girl💗
Paula
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Thank you for posting. Continued prayers for you and Tom and an excellent reality check that I take to heart.
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It touches me to see how much fun your girls had together. Even tho’ they “annoyed” each other, it’s easy to see their genuine love for each other. Thank you for a glimpse once more in to your precious girls lives. Love to you & Tom.
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Such a sweet video of the bond they had. Thinking about you. I can’t even begin to imagine the heartache. We love you guys!
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I am not sure if I will ever NOT shed tears when I think about your loss. Watching your precious girls enjoy a moment with bubbles has an aching affect on my heart. I am so very sorry that the missing hurts so much. I keep my prayers focused on God blessing your life in new and amazing ways.
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I love this video too and I also wish you had the real thing….. You don’t have it right this moment, but you will have it again.
Much love to you
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Seeing the drawing on the wall in Abby’s room, I am drawn to the owl in the tree. On an early evening in December, while working away at my desk, my eye was drawn to the window when a very large owl swooped in to rest in the tree. It was dark outside by then and there was just enough light in the sky for it to be noticed. I have never seen an owl that large and it stayed in that spot to rest for an hour at least. Of course this was shortly after you stopped to visit and light the candles at the tree. It was an interesting moment and I take comfort in knowing that they are around when you need them.
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The song’s refrain in the background: “This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore.”
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Praying Susan. I hate so much that you are hurting. Always praying for you and Tom.
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Oh Susan how badly I want to wrap my arms around you and hug you!!!! I wish i wasn’t so far away! It breaks my heart you are going through this and that you are hurting so deeply!! Always praying for Tom and you! Love you!!
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Susan, I’ve been beside myself the past few day’s. I can’t stop crying, nor can I sleep. I can only imagine how your heart feels. I told James the other night that my heart feels like it’s been ripped in half. I pray for you and Tom. I wish we could find another focus, but my mind always goes to the girls. xxoo
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