I dread it, I hate going and I try to avoid it at all costs. This is a new feeling for me, one I’ve had for just over six months.
This morning Tom and I were discussing that since my parents will be coming later this week we should really go to the grocery store. I, with other errands to run today, said I would go even though it meant that today would be hard.
I would first stop at Winco and then Costco, two places we loved to go as a family.
We usually would go on Sunday after church. The girls loved to run ahead and sneak obscure items into the cart and see how long it took for us to figure it out. Sometimes those items came home with us. They would always ask for a treat, Abigail loved getting coffee from Winco in the cute little cup and Anna always wanted gum, her own pack, two if she felt lucky in asking. Tom would always ride the cart out of the store driving me bananas as he had a few close calls with the speed bumps. They would pile up in the car and Tom and I would pick in the bag to find something to eat for the ride home, usually mixed nuts and sugary yogurt drink they loved so much and was only purchased when we were all at the store together.
We had a lot of fun shopping for groceries together and it is one of the last memories I have with my girls. I remember being at Costco on the day before they went to Heaven and the girls sharing a giant ice cream cup purchased by their Dad/Tom as a treat. They both had huge smiles on their faces because they knew that he was about to get into trouble for buying so much ice cream. I also remember thinking, after taking few bites, how good it was and how lucky my girls were to have a dad/Tom that bought them ice cream.
Cherished memories for sure.
Going to the grocery store is reminder that I no longer need to buy anything to put in their lunches or to have for a bed night snack. There are no special treats or even the purchase of milk. There is no longer milk in our house, Tom and I are not milk drinkers and it would just go bad.
I usually spend moments stopped in random aisles, staring into space, remembering conversation about what cereal to buy or what type of crackers they would like for their lunches. They never wanted the same thing, that would have been to easy. I usually leave the store feeling sad and with an aching heart.
So today as I arrived at the store and I grabbed my purse from the passengers seat, I saw my bag of Love Rocks.
I smiled and thought that maybe, just maybe, I can make grocery shopping about spreading love and less of a reminder that I no longer need to shop for my girls.
As I moved through the store, my purse exceptionally heavy due to all the love it was holding, I stopped at our favorite items, not to put them into my cart but rather to place a Love Rock. I looked around, making sure no one was watching, put the Love Rock in it’s place and smiled.
I may not have to purchase Goldfish anymore but someone will feel the love of my girls when they do.