I’ve been thinking about this post a lot this past week. Wondering how to turn my thoughts into words. I’m not sure where this is going to lead but I’m going to just let it flow.
This time last year there were lots and lots of hugs and kisses between Miss Anna and myself. She had just come home from an amazing Hawaiian adventure with her dad and step-mom; swimming with dolphins, playing with cousins and testing out her newly learned paddle boarding skills.
She was so excited to go and when she came back she had so many stories to tell.
As she was coming home we were just about to say goodbye to Abigail, she was going to visit family in Washington. She too shared stories, sent photos of her adventures and had a great time away with extended family.
As always, both girls were greatly missed while they were away.
Last week I had a thought about our time apart. It was Thursday and I remembered that last year, about day 9 of their adventures away, I started to get really excited about their arrival back home.
Day 9, my heart didn’t ache as much for their absence and I started looking forward to our reunion. Our time apart was almost over.
Day 9, that is where I feel I am choosing to live now and although my heart still aches every second, I find myself looking forward to our reunion.
This is how I honestly get through my day. If I didn’t have this truth I have no idea how I would function, how I would go on or how I could ever imagine spreading love and joy.
The pain of their absence is too great.
I know that my time with Anna and Abigail is not over and I trust that our reunion will be glorious, just like it always has been in the past.
It is up to God how long my day 9 will last -ten, twenty or maybe even forty years? Knowing that we will embrace again, share our adventures and be together will get me through each and every one of those years.
I will be honest and say that somedays, a lot of days, I beg God not to make it long, to let me finish my work here and for him to take me home. I know he has a plan for my life and I know he is using our suffering for good ~ I see that so clearly. Somedays though, I just want to be with my girls. These thoughts and feelings are not brought on by depression but rather the hope I have in eternity.
In all their trips away I was the one waiting for their homecoming, now I’m the one excited to go home.