Next Monday the teacher who will be taking my position during my leave of absence will need a desk, my desk.
I’ve been putting it off all summer. I bought bins and cleared a space in the basement for all my teaching gear but I have been reluctant to actually go and clear out my space.
I know the decision to take the year off is a good one. I know that building playground will be a lot of work and I will need all the extra time I can get focusing on this journey. I also know that I can’t teach right now and in knowing that I have tremendous peace that taking this time is right.
Still, I’ve been reluctant to clear out my space.
With 2 days left, today was the day.
Not much had changed since October 17th, my last day of work before my girls went to Heaven. I opened a file on my desk that was labeled “Daisy” and while glancing over the papers inside, I remembered that Anna was working on learning the oath for her Daisy Troop.
On my bulletin board there are pictures of the people I love, individual shots and groups shots with different combinations. I used to sit and smile, feeling so blessed by my blended family.
Above the pictures there are pieces of artwork from my favorite artist, Anna. I even have one from when she wrote her name NNAA. I smiled as I took it down and put it in the box remembering the small amount of stress I had that she would never write it the correct way.
Sitting on my desk is one of my favorite photos of Anna. She was 2 with her hair in pigtails. Everyday I would look at that photo and wonder where the time was going. It seemed like just yesterday we were standing in that lavender field trying to get the perfect shot.
I’m so glad we did.
In the drawer I found some pictures that I forgot I had. They took me back to a time when I was just meeting Tom and Abigail was in third grade. She loved to come visit during the day when I was in my office, both of us feeling special that we had these encounters, blessed to be in each other’s life.
I miss that time.
If Abigail was asked what her favorite school was she would say her grade school. The building is new since her time there and a lot of her teachers are retired or have moved on but, as I was packing up my stuff, I couldn’t help but feel her presence with me helping me get through this transition.
As I drove away I decided to leave something behind in honor of Abigail and her years of being a Jaguar. I’m sure one day someone will see it and when they do I’m sure they will smile and think of my girls.