Last week I was asked if I ever felt hopeless.

I spent a few minutes thinking about that word and what it means.


I’ve been reading a book from Francis Chan called Crazy Love. I started this book in a bible study group a year before the girls went to Heaven and stopped before it was over because, at that time, I put everything else in my life before my time with God. I believed in Him and His truth but I am ashamed to say that I wasn’t the best follower. I knew what I should be doing but the craziness of life seemed to always come first.

I recently picked it back up and truly can’t get enough of it. My perspective on life and Eternity has shifted due to our circumstances and I see so clearly what God wants from me. He wants me to love Him with every ounce of my being, put Him first above all else, stop, slow down and listen, follow Him with all of my heart and Love.

I can honestly say that living with Eternity in mind is what I want always. I want that to be reflected in my life, my actions, how I interact with people (especially Tom) and how I go about my day-to-day.

I struggle writing this because I am ashamed that it took something so tragic in my life to really get me to understand what God wants from me and how to live with Eternity in mind. I understand that he uses our suffering for his glory but I still wish that my circumstances for living Eternally were different.

Along with reading Crazy Love I am also watching some of Francis Chan’s sermons on youtube. This morning this is what I watched and it spoke to me so I thought I would share.


I don’t feel hopeless at all, I am hopeful.

“To live is Christ and to die is gain.” Philippians 1:21

6 thoughts on “Hopeful

  1. Susan, once again the Lord has used your words to speak to my heart. Thank you for allowing to use you in such ways. And thank you for sharing the video by Francis Chan. I have read some of his work but will look for him on you tube! Praying for you and Tom in His love!


  2. Susan, your actions and grace inspired me to go back to church after my own craziness in my life kept me from going for six years. Last winter I found a church that felt like home to me. I think of you, Tom, Abby and Anna whenever I am there. I am grateful to you for your words in your blog that inspired me to seek a community of love and service. Recently, the theme for the service was “Grace in Disguise.” During the sermon, our minister spoke these words: “Bad things can happen to us for no reason. Life can break us, but grace can help us mend.”
    I thought of your grace and how you have spread love, kindness, and understanding. Thank you for helping me to find my church home. I’ll share our covenant with you:
    “Love is the spirit of this church, and service its law. This is our great covenant: To dwell together in peace, to seek the truth in love, and to help one another.”

    And when the children leave the service to go to church school, we sing: ” You’ve got the light of love inside you, go on your way in peace. So shine that light, this whole world now awaits you, go on your way in peace. You know, we hold you, we hold you, yes we hold you.”

    God holds your daughters; you and Tom and everyone who knows you or knew Anna and Abby hold them in our hearts. Thank you for this gift of helping to find faith and meaning again in my life.



    1. Thank you Cara for sharing. My favorite book by Jerry Sittser is called A Grace Disguised. It’s a book on Grief and really has helped me a lot. Thank you so much for your continued thoughts and prayers…we definitely feel them. Take Care!!


  3. That book looks amazing! I relate to this post very much, it took tragedy and pain for me to realize what I was missing. I still struggle to stop, slow down and listen, and follow Him with all of my heart – but the difference these days is I actually seek Him. I grew up in the Church and never did baptism, because I knew something was missing and I was not at the right place, I wanted that authentic relationship and “crazy love” with Him but did not know where to find it. That was something I was finally ready to go through recently, to show the change in my life.

    I am challenged by Mark 4:18-20, it reflects both sides. I am encouraged even as I still struggle with life by John 16:33.


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