How are you?

How are you?

A question I’ve gotten a lot over the past 27 months. My standard response on most days has always been, “I’m hanging in there.”

Now, with a little one at home, I feel that most want me to do more than just “hang in there.”  I have responsibilities as a parent that went to Heaven with Anna and Abigail on Oct. 20th, 2013 and now, with the arrival of their little sister from Heaven, have come back.  To hang in there could imply that I’m barely making it or that at any moment I may let go. I’ve found that, with the nicest of intentions, people in our lives want us to be ok, good or even great, especially now.

Hanging in there ~ that is how I feel most of the time. I have a sadness, the piece of my soul that longs so desperately for my girls in Heaven, that will never go away.

Hanging in there ~  all of my attention these last six weeks has gone towards taking care of, loving and mothering Alice  – which it should – and I am grateful for the gift of her in our lives.  Alice brings us a new hope that was not there before. She is a light, just like her sisters, and I am so grateful that God has allowed us to be her parents. Finding the balance between being a parent to a newborn and continuing to parent Anna and Abigail has been difficult. Sharing love and joy with the world is how I’ve continued to parent my girls in Heaven and when I don’t have the time to do that my heart hurts ~ we are are finding balance.

Hanging in there means to me that I’m surviving the worst thing, in my perspective, that a mother can endure. Hanging in there means that I’m gripping tight to this world to love and help nurture Alice so that she too can be the little person, and some day the young lady, that God has intended her to be. Hanging in there means that I’m saying yes to God and the life He has in front of me and that I’m not going to give up….giving up would be easy.

Hanging in there means that although I can’t promise Alice bad things won’t happen I can do everything in my power to build a foundation of faith, prepare her heart and nurture her soul so that, like her sisters, she knows God’s promises ~ promises that can never be broken.

I’m going to keep hanging in there because, for the past 27 months, I’ve learned that in doing so my heart is open to a world that goes beyond life here and extends into the world where my girls now reside. I’m going to keep hanging in there because Alice needs and deserves all of me, even the broken pieces.

How am I?

I’m holding on to Alice and keeping my girls very close to my heart.

My dear friend gave me this beautiful statue when Alice arrived. She said she saw it and thought it was perfect. I would agree. holding on

 

6 thoughts on “How are you?

  1. I am continually so amazed on how well you write and explain your thoughts and feeling, Susan. You are such an inspiration to me; and I am sure to so many others. I can imagine the struggle it is. I agree with the comment above that happiness and love and sorrow go hand-in-hand. You will find the right blend in time. Meanwhile I have seen the pictures of you and Alice and see the redeeming love you have for her. Yet I know the memories you have from before, with one in Heaven is heart wrenching. I won’t ever ask, How Are You? For in know, or can only imagine. I just let you know I am thinking of you and say a prayer for you. And for Tom. And for Alice. You are a strong woman, Susan. Your faith and your belief is making you disciple to all us … and for that I thank you! Sending a hug thru the miles to you, my friend!! Blessings to you, Tom and Alex. God bless!!

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      • 4 of the scouts did their presentation tonight of their Bronze Award being Love Rocks at the Clarkston Village Council Meeting. I had you on my mind the entire time picturing in my mind you smiling a huge grin with tears running down your cheek. They made me so proud and know you wpuld have been proud too. We are sharing Love and Joy one rock at a time!!!

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  2. Everyone wants desperately for you both to be happy and that your sweet Alice has done that, yet we all know your heart ache in loosing your precious Anna and Abby. There is no balancing this, joy and sorrow can go hand in hand. Being joyful and sad, very delicate, allowing this is a must!!

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