I love thinking about Anna and Abigail sitting with their feet dangling off the edge of a cloud watching me move through this world.
I remember one time when the girls and I were talking about Heaven, Anna asked what it looked like and happens when you get there. Abigail jumped in with this beautiful fairy tale like description of angels, the ability to fly and take different forms, fluffy clouds, and streams of chocolate that ran for miles…basically everything a little girl would want it to be. At first I wasn’t sure about Abigail’s interpretation because I didn’t want it to sound better than the girls being with me.
Selfish I know.
I chimed in with something like, yes it’s a wonderful place and someday we will all be there but we don’t want to go there right now. Anna, with a serious look on her face, wanted me to reassure her that going to Heaven was only going to happen when we were old. I remember wanting to ease any concern she had, I said that was the plan but sometimes we go when we aren’t old.
I was so afraid that one of her friends would pass or if something happened to me she wouldn’t understand. I would tell her that when the time comes and I do go to Heaven (hopefully when I’m really old) that I would be her angel, that I would be safe with Jesus and I would always watch out for her. I wanted her to hear me saying that and not someone else after the fact.
During those moments the thought of them going to Heaven first never crossed my mind.
These conversations are what I think of now. I am so glad we talked about it and that Abigail shared with me her fairy tale description.
I hold on to that place of happiness.
I close my eyes and I can see my girls soaring high above the clouds, I can hear Abigail scream to Anna that the chocolate is the best they’ve ever had, I feel them comforting me when the ache in my heart is unbearable and I can hear them laughing as they jump from cloud to cloud…doing cartwheels and perfect flips along the way.
I can hear Anna whisper, “I love you Mama, Abigail was right it is amazing here.”
Heaven is real and my girls are there.