It’s Monday, another Monday in a long stream of Mondays that will continue to come while I’m here on earth. Another Monday without my girls.
Kids are starting back to school today, I can hear them outside making their morning trek to the Community School. It’s 8:37. I would have already dropped Abigail off, yelled “I LOVE YOU” out the window to embarrass her and I would be home now curled up in the big red chair reading with Anna. In about 15 minutes we would head to Dilley and I would walk her to her classroom, kiss her, squeeze her, tell her I love her to the moon and back and to have a wonderful day. She would say, “I love you too Mama,” walk into class, turn around and give me the I love you sign.
I miss my girls!
Here I am, sitting at my computer finding words to stream together to describe how I’m feeling. This second I am sad because I want to drop my girls off at school and tell them to have a wonderful day and I can’t. I don’t want to be here in this place of grief and longing. I don’t want to be amazing in how I’m handling this journey, I don’t want to try to find the words to forgive a girl who made horrible choices the night of the accident, I don’t want to look at pictures and video over and over again.
I just want to hug my girls!
I’m leaning hard on God and I feel his comfort and love all the time. I KNOW that I will hug them again, be in their presence and will someday see the bigger picture of why. The peace that comes with trusting God in this journey however does not take away the fact that I miss my girls.
Until the day I am with them in eternity I will ride this wave of grief. Some moments it overwhelms me, knocks me off my feet and carries me under. Other moments I am able to stand as it gently pushes against my legs letting me know that it is there. At this moment I’m feeling overwhelmed with the sadness of missing my girls.
This storm will subside, as it always does. At that moment I will stand back up, take a deep breath and continue on my journey knowing that the storm will come again. This is my life now.
I trust God with all my heart and I know that my girls are safe.
I just miss them so much.