Not Fair

I have a lot to say (I’ve sat at my computer all morning starting post after post) but I’m not feeling it today. I’m not feeling it because I’m mad. I’m mad that this week my daughter is going to be 8 years old and I missed 7. I’m mad because I’m going to miss 8 too and then 9 and 10.

Sometimes I just really feel it isn’t fair that I have to miss, hurt and have this ache in my heart.

This is how I feel today ~ today, I just want to say that it isn’t fair!

19 thoughts on “Not Fair

  1. I have to agree Susan, it truly is NOT FAIR, I feel for you every day, my heart breaks for you every day, and every day I agree it is not fair. I love you and miss you. You are in my thoughts daily, take care of you.


  2. Of all the beautiful memories you share, the inspirational messages, and the strength you show to so many people, this post is what speaks to me the most. I feel the anger and unfairness for you and Tom everyday. I do not understand and the anger creeps in. Thankfully, you don’t let me stay angry for too long…because of who you are, your words, your faith and your love for your daughters. I love you.


  3. It is not fair at all. I think of that every single day. It is not fair that you only had close to 7 years with her. It is ok to be mad, yell and cry as much as you want. And while you do, Anna and all of us will be hugging you tightly.


  4. Thank goodness for Jesus in the midst of it all!! He definitely does not make things fair, but thanfully eases some of the pain and heartache.

    Thanks for sharing your deep pain with us all along with all of the beautiful stories and pictures and memories. I have so loved getting to know your daughters !


  5. You have every right to be mad and yell and scream because it is not fair. You couldn’t be more right. Sending you hugs. Think of you every day.


  6. It isn’t fair and you have every right to feel that way. I wish you didn’t have to feel like this and that we could help with more tha just prayers. We love you and we will celebrate Miss Anna on her special day with milkshakes, cakes and balloons and hopefully she will smile from heaven seeing all the hoopla about her 8th birthday.💜💜💜


  7. I’ve been stuck feeling angry about how unfair it is. I can’t shake it. I want to stamp my foot over and over and yell…..”nooooooo! NOT FAIR!” I just want to yell into the sky how unfair it is. I don’t have anyone to yell at or any place to put those feelings. It is totally not fair. I wish life was fair and we could earn fairness by our own goodness. I wish there was no suffering or loss. I’m sorry you are missing another birthday. I wish we could all do more for you and mostly give you what you want most- your precious girls and more birthdays, it sucks and I really hate it. Praying for you and Tom faithfully. Prayers will continue.


  8. I know that same feeling, i long for my yesterdays and know I can’t have them, it is so hard, but know you are not alone and I will say a special prayer for you and all mothers like us, tomorrow is mass for my son and I will remember you and add you to my prayers, may he give you peace!


  9. Oh wow! Are you right, or are you right? You’re in good company sister. It isn’t fair. I was at the same exact spot this morning, and I’m still there, but I can’t stay here. This morning my prayer has been “Lord take my anger, my frustration, and my jealousy and make it something beautiful and glorious.” While I wait for Him to do that (knowing that He isn’t slow in keeping promises) I have to be patient, and I don’t even know what to expect. Patience is not my strong suit (as I wrote the word, I was gritting my teeth). You have every right to be angry, and I’m not going to tell you not to be! I trust that you won’t sin. 😉
    I’ll be praying for that same peace that’s been holding you up all this time, to be more powerful than any other time before.
    You have given me such a beautiful example of falling in our Father’s arms, I feel like I can do it now.
    We are held!


  10. I think allowing this anger/mad to come out is the best thing you can do, what happened to your two beautiful girls was never fair. The only way to try and “deal” with this, live with this is to be honest with your feelings and to vocalize them, you do a unbelievable job so much of the time, to make sense of this, and to find peace with it. Your sweet girls have to be smiling down at you!


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