I’ve been thinking about this post for months ~ trying to formulate in my mind the right words to put in this space. Last night, after a beautiful, but very long day, I decided that in morning I would just come, sit and pray. These words come from my prayers.
I had been in labor for a long time. I was so ready to meet my daughter and, with support from my dear friend Amy and my mom, she came on November 13, 2006 at 12:36 A.M. I remember distinctly the first time I touched her. My midwife asked if I wanted to reach down and pull her up on my chest. I can still feel my hand wrap around her tiny arm ~ I was in such awe of what was happening.
I had written in my birth plan that, as long as there were no complications, I wanted her to remain on my chest for the first couple hours after she arrived. The work that the nurses had to do would be done there ~ I wanted her to be close.
There were no complications.
In those moments I felt a love that I had never felt before. I was now face to face with the little life that had grown inside me and I couldn’t imagine my life without her. She was so beautiful, my heart was so full and our love was so pure.
I remember thanking God for that day and for allowing me to be Miss Anna’s mama.
I stood in the funeral home holding her hand wondering how this could be.
Our life had a complication.
As I stood praying to the God I know loves me and loves my girls, I could feel Anna’s love coming from Heaven. I could feel it just like I felt it the first time I held her ~ I still feel it every second of every day.
Our love is so pure and transcends from here to eternity. Her physical body is no longer but her love, our love will never be ashes.
Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:13
It is very clear to me that God is love and His love is even stronger than death. It is very clear that if I was left to my own self I would not be able to continue this life without my girls. It is very clear to me that the strength that I have to get out of bed in the morning, move through my day and, frankly, just live this life without Anna and Abigail comes from God’s love for me and for the love He has for my children.
Anna and Abigail physical being is no longer with us but our Love is stronger than ever and is what shines through the pain and longing!
He gives us the gift of Unending Love and with that love comes Amazing Grace.