Tom had the day off yesterday so we had plans to take Linus to the beach. We were excited to go spend a beautiful sunny day together at one of our favorite spots, Hug Point. We were both looking forward to watching our big goofy dog run and play in the sand.
As we walked from the car to the beach I could feel my heart getting heavier. We walked to the end of the beach, took a few photos, sat amongst the rocks and talked about how sad we felt.
We talked about how much we missed our girls. I told Tom that a couple weeks before they went to Heaven I remember thinking to myself that we didn’t get to the coast enough that summer. I remember telling myself that next summer would be different, next summer we would try to go once a week.
Tom and I have tried a handful of times to enjoy this beautiful place an hour from our home. We have tried to pretend that we are “ok” and that we can handle the pain ~ maybe this time it will be different I usually tell myself.
Anna and Abigail loved the coast and the memories of my girls running, digging, playing and enjoying are bright lights for both of us. I am so happy I have those memories but being in this place they both loved so much brings such sadness. There won’t be a “next summer”.
After an hour we decided to come back home. I know we will go back and I know each time we do our hearts will be heavy. Tom and I both are very aware that, even though God provides us with a tremendous amount of peace, this journey we are on will always be hard and there will always be places that are just so difficult to go.
As for Linus ~ he was just happy to be with his people for the day.