Next Summer

beach with girls

Tom had the day off yesterday so we had plans to take Linus to the beach. We were excited to go spend a beautiful sunny day together at one of our favorite spots, Hug Point. We were both looking forward to watching our big goofy dog run and play in the sand.

As we walked from the car to the beach I could feel my heart getting heavier.  We walked to the end of the beach, took a few photos, sat amongst the rocks and talked about how sad we felt.

We talked about how much we missed our girls. I told Tom that a couple weeks before they went to Heaven I remember thinking to myself that we didn’t get to the coast enough that summer. I remember telling myself that next summer would be different, next summer we would try to go once a week.

Tom and I have tried a handful of times to enjoy this beautiful place an hour from our home. We have tried to pretend that we are “ok” and that we can handle the pain ~ maybe this time it will be different I usually tell myself.

Anna and Abigail loved the coast and the memories of my girls running, digging, playing and enjoying are bright lights for both of us. I am so happy I have those memories but being in this place they both loved so much brings such sadness. There won’t be a “next summer”.

After an hour we decided to come back home. I know we will go back and I know each time we do our hearts will be heavy. Tom and I both are very aware that, even though God provides us with a tremendous amount of peace, this journey we are on will always be hard and there will always be places that are just so difficult to go.

As for Linus ~ he was just happy to be with his people for the day.

linus and me



8 thoughts on “Next Summer

  1. Hug Point will always make me think of your girls. Of a beautiful summer day and a day trip to the coast to cool off with our friends. Of the adventure in visiting a new beach for my crew and the excitement in your girls eyes to show us their favorite spots. Of Sampson chasing tennis balls. Love and hugs to you my friend!


  2. Your entry today and pictures both past and present are such a reflection of Gods wonderful love. It is obvious that the girls loved not only the beach but their Mom. Reading your entries and looking at the pics you post make me think of how many little girls and moms alike have never even come close to having what you and your girls shared. For as long as God planned it and blessed you with it, it is exactly that, a blessing. The picture of you and the girls on the beach at the coast, portrays such love, contentment and joy. Something so rare and special. Such a genuine and deep love that if naught there would not be such deep and genuine hurt and sadness. Even though your pain at times is like it happened yesterday, those who will never know either end of the spectrum will have missed out on such a gift from God. The gift that God Himself experienced with His own Son.
    May your entries and love rocks continue to minister to so many hurting people and encourage them to know that God is our hope our only hope of life eternal with him in heaven


    1. Thank you Hazel for you kind words and yes, our love is and forever will be what holds me. God gives us peace each and everyday…it’s the longing to be with them that is so incredibly hard. Someday we will be together again ❤


  3. You two are such unbelievably beautiful people. You shed so much light with every word you write. You make people like me want to be as infectious about choosing to love life as you do. I hope one day you’re heart won’t be so heavy.


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