These past couple of weeks I’ve used two words a lot that I used to tell the girls I didn’t want to hear in the summer time.

I’m bored.

If I heard them say it I always had a quick comeback, “bored, great…let me find you something to do.” That was always followed by an eye roll.

I have plenty to do, plenty to keep me busy – I probably should start working on some house projects before the little one comes ~ but I’m bored.

My boredom comes from the fact that all of those things are not what I want to be doing, what I want to be doing is playing with my girls, taking them to the park, hosting playdates and listening to them laugh with their friends, having lemonade stands and homemade popsicles, going to see matinees to get out of the heat or movies on the lawn at McMenamins with friends, going to every fountain in Portland so we can rate which one we like best and going on early morning trips to the zoo before everyone else arrives;  the list goes on and on.

I shared this with someone the other day and they, trying to make me feel better which is appreciated, said, “don’t worry you will have plenty of that soon with your new addition.”

I’ve been thinking a lot about what this person said because I don’t think that I can express in words why that will not cure my boredom. Even with a new life in our house the presence of Anna and Abigail will always be missed ~ nothing or no one will ever fill that void.  I know the person was only trying to comfort me and I do really appreciate that ~ it just got me thinking.

I worry at times that sitting at the park with our little one will be hard, maybe too hard at times. I often wonder how I will parent Anna and Abigail’s little brother or sister with my broken heart.

popiclesfriendscupcakesAbs fountainfriends abs





16 thoughts on “Bored

  1. I don’t have the “right” words. Only that I’m listening. I’m working from home most days (except Thursday’s) if you are up for lunch. Where would we go?? Lots of love to you! 💜💙


  2. When I read your blog the first thing that popped into my mind was that you will parent with Love and Joy. You are and will be an amazing parent! hugs!


  3. I really love that picture on the lawn. I never got to see any of the pictures from that night I would love to look at them some time. 🙂 ❤


  4. My heart goes out to you Susan! As I read this, I remembered feeling like that myself after my son died, while pg for his sister! They never replace our angel children, there is always a hole, a piece of our family or in your case pieces of your family will always be missing! But the new little one will be blessed with a mother and am father who know that time is precious and will not take their childhood for granted! You will be a different parent to this one but you will also always be Anna and Abigail’s mother! Hugs to you and please be gentle with yourself. Grief is a forever journey!


    1. Thank you Aubyn…yes grief is forever, there won’t be a day that you or I will wake up and say, “so glad we got through that.” Sending you love and prayer.


  5. Susan i miss you so much! I can’t wait for the day we can see each other and talk about all of our crazy antics and how simple our lives were so long ago. Until then, stay strong and know that I am always here for you, even though I am 4,000 miles away! You and the girls are always in my heart! Love you Dieter! Chicks With Rafts Rule!!


  6. I agree, the hole will always be there but I think you will be a better parent for it. You will treasure every moment. You will love with all your heart. You will dream without reservation. You will because that’s who YOU are. I can tell by reading your blog posts. That’s who you are. You will be a wonderful parent.


  7. Susan, you and your girls have been on my heart so much this summer. You are in my thoughts and my prayers. I know that the hole in your heart will never be filled. But I also know that you are an amazing Mom to your Heavenly daughters, and you will be an amazing Mom to your new baby. Hang in there, friend.


  8. You have room in your heart for much “love and joy”… No one and nothing can or will ever replace your sweet girls..your broken heart will surely find room for another blessing. We all want to find the “right” words to ease your pain, and sadly, other than letting you know we care, well we do!!


    1. I know that everyone only wants to find the right words and they are all appreciated…some though make me think more than others. Thank you Karen ❤


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