Being Resourceful

poor linusOn Monday Linus “got fixed.”

I made Tom take him to the vet because I was a little sad about it all and I didn’t want Linus to think it was my idea.

I remember back on the time when Sampson had surgeries where he wasn’t supposed to be active, I was dreading trying to do the same with Linus. Linus loves his walks, loves chasing the ball and loves playing with his good friend Stella. A week of trying to keep Linus calm and inactive may just put me over the edge with this big guy ~ so I thought.

We knew one thing for sure going in, “the cone of shame” was going to be around his neck for a week and if nothing else we would find humor in the situation.

Linus, our healer, has been a trooper this week. He’s been calm and seems to be ok with the fact that he needs some time to heal. “The cone” doesn’t seem to bother him at all. He actually sits really nice when I put it on him, almost suggesting that he likes wearing it. Yesterday I found him lying on the porch with a tennis ball in his mouth, I watched as he tossed it gently into the air catching it in the cone and then tilting his head around get it back in his mouth…this happened a handful of times and I have to say I was truly impressed by his antics. smart

This morning he desperately wanted to go out back, he loves chasing the cat and exploring the back yard each morning to see if there is anything new and exciting to eat. This time I found him lying on the back porch with a cone full of dirt. I’m not sure what he was saving it for but I give him credit for being resourceful.

This big yellow dog of mine sure does bring a smile to my face. Cone or no cone I’m glad we are his people and he is our healer.

healer with a stick



Last night I had a dream that I found Anna. She was missing and I found her.

I remember thinking I needed to call her dad and tell him, he was very worried about her too. I was afraid though that when I called he would want to take her for the weekend – one of the heartaches of a two house family is that there is always someone that is missing. This was something that always concerned Anna before she went to Heaven.

In my dream I held her tight promising I would never let go of her. She buried her head in my neck.

Then I woke up.

I cherish these encounters we have in the middle of the night. They seem to be more frequent lately ~ about once a week. I think Anna knows my heart is hurting.  Sometimes she sends her sister to visit which I love because I miss Abigail so much.

Their visits make the distance between here and Heaven seem less.

water park

“The fact that our heart yearns for something the earth can’t supply is the proof that Heaven must be our home.”  C.S. Lewis


My Siblings

In honor of National Siblings Day (had no idea that this day existed) I have decided to share this beautiful photo. I was making my confirmation and my mom insisted on taking a photo of the three of us all decked out in our Sunday best. The “wreath” on my head was my moms way of being different – every other little girl had a veil, I had a wreath. Needless to say baby’s breath was big back then and I had a lot of it tangled in my hair that day.

Throughout my life these two have been a rock for me. I love them both very much and I feel very blessed to call them my siblings.

Happy Siblings Day Bill and Jeff ~ sorry for the public humiliation.


This photo makes me happy and laugh out loud.


Love Has Won

I love that when I look at our steps leading up to the girls’ rooms I can still hear them giggling, I can see Abigail running down the stairs to tell me something urgent and I can see Anna hooking her leg over the banister and sliding down to the end. I love the look on her face.

I love that when I’m in the bathroom standing at the mirror in the morning I can hear Anna singing in the shower. I love that when I think about how long her showers used to be I can hear her yell back after I’ve asked her to wrap it up, “mom, I’m relaxing under the warm water.”

I love that when I see kids hanging out in our neighborhood I can see Abigail in the mix. I love imagining the stories she would tell after “hanging out,” or the stories I would have tried to tactfully get out of her after “hanging out.” There are boys in these mixes ~ I love thinking about what teenage years would have brought our way. I love that Abigail was a great kid and that I really wasn’t worried about it all but rather excited for her.

Abs and friends

I love that I can still hear the girls asking what’s for dinner and then making faces at me if it wasn’t what they wanted or hugging me if it was. I can still feel the hugs.

I love that whenever I see a big box I can hear a giggle coming from inside of it. It’s absolutely amazing how a big box with some holes cut into it can keep a girl laughing for hours.

Anna in a box

I love that when anyone says IXL Math I can hear Abigail grumble under her breath.


I love these moments and at the same time they can cause pain in my heart. What would have been is a question I try not to ask because it always comes up empty. Instead I try to embrace these moments and the feelings that are evoked while I’m in the midst of remembering (easier said than done somedays).

I love that I can remember, feel, see, smell and hear my girls still and along with each of these memories I have a new one that I can embrace.


I love that a car full of children, Anna and Abigail’s friends, stopped in front of our house and little hands hid eggs filled with skittles all over our yard. We all love skittles.

I love that Tom and I got to spend Friday night with the heroes of our community and we got to see them be celebrated. Our community has a lot to be proud of in the men and woman who protect us. I know that Anna and Abigail are proud too.

I love when people share their Love Rocks stories with me and let me know that they will make and share love and joy too through Love Rocks. I love when they add that they will do that in honor of Anna and Abigail ~ two girls they may not have ever met but feel very connected to.

I love knowing that if the candles in front of the tree go out our favorite police officer lights them while he’s on duty. I love that he takes care Anna and Abigail in this way.

I love looking out my front window and watching while people take a few moments at Anna and Abigail’s tree. I love that children get excited to see the rainbow, look at their photos and find Love Rocks as keepsakes to remember their visit. I love that it is a place of peace and happiness.

I love that yesterday was a beautiful day spent with friends and family.

A day celebrating the fact that death has lost and Love has won.



Over and Over

I shared this video last January in a post called Bubbles. It’s one of my favorites but I would probably say that about all of our videos and photos at this point.

Today I sat and studied every little gesture each of them had as I watched over and over again. I then closed my eyes and listen to their voices, oh how I miss their voices. I smiled the moment Abigail gets frustrated with her sister, “ANNA!” I smiled at the little smirk my girl gives her frustrated sister, “at least we didn’t get it on my mom’s phone.”

Abigail’s room just the way she liked it…music playing.

Anna’s mouth full of gum…looks to me like 2-3 pieces.

Over and over and over again.