Tom and I are heading to the Forward Edge Gathering this weekend. We are both very excited to get away and even more excited to reconnect with our dear friend Kennedy. We met Kennedy while we were in Kenya, he’s the Forward Edge Kenya Field Coordinator, but more importantly he takes care of Peter, Grace and all the other kids at Mama Beth Children’s Program.
I admire Kennedy and the work he does and it makes me very happy to know that in a few short hours we will be face to face.
Last week Anna’s friend turned 9 years old. I wanted to celebrate his birthday like I have for every one of his turns around the sun but for some reason I couldn’t even get myself to say happy birthday to him on his special day. I didn’t want to be emotional and make him sad or feel bad that his birthday made my heart miss Anna even more than it already does.
I don’t want him to grow up.
I hate that he has to grow up without my girl by his side. I hate that he has to miss her.
Tom made him his famous chocolate chip cookies and took them to him while I was at play rehearsal, “please let him know that I said happy birthday and I love him,” I said as I left the house with a heavy heart.
When Anna was born this boy was one of the first to see her (he was actually in the laboring room with his mom and I until things got too intense). He was 7 months old and I think that his mom and I knew that moment that our children would be the best of friends ~ and they are.
A couple of days after his birthday he was skateboarding across the street. I went over and told him happy birthday and that I loved him, I could tell he knew it makes my heart sad he didn’t get to share it with Anna.
He said thank you and then opened his arms up and gave me the best hug. I hugged him back, not just for myself but for his best friend Anna.
I have a lot to write about this week but I am exhausted so I’m not going to do it right now.
I just wanted to say that I have the most amazing, loving and caring husband. Yesterday we celebrated his birthday and the 1 year anniversary of Love Rocks…I think he’s proud to share that day.
I love him so much!
On Monday Linus “got fixed.”
I made Tom take him to the vet because I was a little sad about it all and I didn’t want Linus to think it was my idea.
I remember back on the time when Sampson had surgeries where he wasn’t supposed to be active, I was dreading trying to do the same with Linus. Linus loves his walks, loves chasing the ball and loves playing with his good friend Stella. A week of trying to keep Linus calm and inactive may just put me over the edge with this big guy ~ so I thought.
We knew one thing for sure going in, “the cone of shame” was going to be around his neck for a week and if nothing else we would find humor in the situation.
Linus, our healer, has been a trooper this week. He’s been calm and seems to be ok with the fact that he needs some time to heal. “The cone” doesn’t seem to bother him at all. He actually sits really nice when I put it on him, almost suggesting that he likes wearing it. Yesterday I found him lying on the porch with a tennis ball in his mouth, I watched as he tossed it gently into the air catching it in the cone and then tilting his head around get it back in his mouth…this happened a handful of times and I have to say I was truly impressed by his antics.
This morning he desperately wanted to go out back, he loves chasing the cat and exploring the back yard each morning to see if there is anything new and exciting to eat. This time I found him lying on the back porch with a cone full of dirt. I’m not sure what he was saving it for but I give him credit for being resourceful.
This big yellow dog of mine sure does bring a smile to my face. Cone or no cone I’m glad we are his people and he is our healer.
Last night I had a dream that I found Anna. She was missing and I found her.
I remember thinking I needed to call her dad and tell him, he was very worried about her too. I was afraid though that when I called he would want to take her for the weekend – one of the heartaches of a two house family is that there is always someone that is missing. This was something that always concerned Anna before she went to Heaven.
In my dream I held her tight promising I would never let go of her. She buried her head in my neck.
Then I woke up.
I cherish these encounters we have in the middle of the night. They seem to be more frequent lately ~ about once a week. I think Anna knows my heart is hurting. Sometimes she sends her sister to visit which I love because I miss Abigail so much.
Their visits make the distance between here and Heaven seem less.
“The fact that our heart yearns for something the earth can’t supply is the proof that Heaven must be our home.” C.S. Lewis