Drawing in my Bible

There are mornings when it seems I can’t quite make it happen. I’ve got orders to process, emails to write, a dog begging for a walk, a blog post to ponder over or I just simply,  choose not to. I know it should always be my first priority and when I do start my day off in the Word it always helps my hurting heart. It never ceases to amaze me that, when I make the choice to start my day off in prayer and in the Word, the words that I read are exactly what I need to hear.

It’s always as though God is whispering His truth into my soul.

About a month ago I was meandering through Pinterest, just for fun, and came across a pin which lead me to this website ~ Illustrated Faith. This site then lead me down a creative adventure of the world of art journaling in your bible.

I immediately got online, ordered a journaling bible, some water-soluble pastels and pulled out all my watercolors, markers and colored pencils I had stashed in our studio.

I knew that what I had found was the a key to unlocking the creative side of my faith. I love to draw and be creative but often find excuses of why I don’t have time. Being creative is what I did with the girls ~ Tuesday art night, weeks of having the dining room tabled piled high with art supplies, our own art studio equipped with everything you need to create.

I miss my creative partners.

About a week ago my journaling bible was finally delivered. I cleared a space at the end of our dinning room table and set up a little creative space for myself. All my supplies within arms reach and photos, that I usually keep in my bible, out where I can see them.

For the past week I have faithfully spent time sitting, reflecting, reading and listening to His whispers. I then create in my bible what I feel moved to create. Sometimes it’s taking a scripture that really speaks to me and rewriting it in the margin. Sometimes it’s illustrating how the words look and feel in my mind and heart. Sometimes it’s just underlining and highlighting my favorite scriptures. It really has been very organic and has nicely woven my interest of art with my passion for listening to God and reading His Word.

I may still have excuses some mornings of being too busy to make it to this space, but I really feel that being introduced to this method of studying the bible is yet another nudge from Heaven to keep me anchored in the Word.

Following His nudges have never failed me and being creative at our dining room table connects me to my two all-time favorite artists!

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My Life Calendar

It was early morning and I went into the room next door, Tom and the nurses told me to lay down for a bit. I did what I was told ~ I was completely numb and in shock at the time and wishing that I would wake up from the horrible nightmare I was having.

I closed my eyes.

I remember hoping that when I opened them back up I would no longer be in the hospital listening to the machines that were keeping our Abigail alive. I remember hoping desperately to be in my own room listening to Anna’s feet thump their way down the stairs and right into my bed to snuggle. I remember wanting the nightmare to end.

Instead, when I opened my eyes on October 21st I started the first day of my new journey through this life without Anna and Abigail.

Last week our counselor asked Tom and I how our days were. His response was that we just get through them, “we get up, take a deep breath, power through, spread love and joy and look forward to being in bed again where we can check another day off of the list ~ it’s like Groundhog Day, over and over again.”

This reference really struck a cord with me. You know the movie Groundhog Day?  Bill Murray plays Phil, a TV weatherman working for a local station in Pennsylvania and gets stuck in the same day over and over again. There is a lot more to the movie but I know why Tom made reference to it.

Each morning when I wake up it’s like it was on October 21st. I open my eyes, realize that I wasn’t dreaming and I begin my day without Anna and Abigail. My days don’t all look alike but the common thread of their absence, is and will forever be present. That is my groundhog day.

Some may say that I am stuck and I should/need to move forward. I would argue that I am stuck…I am very aware of where I am and how I’m chosing to live with my grief. For me it’s not about moving through the phases of grief, implying that it will all come to an end at some point, it’s about how I choose to live the rest of my life without my girls physically present. It’s about mothering children who are in Heaven, celebrating their eternal love and simply figuring out how to just be with our temporary separation.

When I talk about last summer, it is the summer I spent with my family as a whole. When I say last year I’m referring to 2013. When people ask me how old my children are I will always pause before answering.

There is a line drawn in my life calendar and it is on October 20th, 2013.  Before I left Tom and the girls on that day, I remember looking back at them and feeling very blissful about how beautiful our life was. I will never feel that bliss again ~ and that is where the line is drawn.

Everyday I wake up it is October 21, 2013 and it will be that day until I start day one in Heaven.

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Happiness Journal

With the help of some friends, Tom and I spent the day making a rainbow on Anna and Abby’s tree. Anna and Abbys tree 315

When we were all done look who came for a visit.

Stanley

Anna and Abby’s Rainbow Tree makes me happy and so does the little squirrel who calls it home.

When people walk or drive by the spot where Anna and Abigail went to Heaven I know a sadness comes to their heart.  I hope that by making the tree into something beautiful those feelings of sadness are accompanied with love and joy because in that very spot is where my girls met Jesus.

Strawberry Blond with Silver Highlights

This morning I was admiring my new hair cut in our bathroom mirror and I couldn’t believe my eyes. I leaned forward and took a closer look and it was affirmed that my hair is changing color.

My whole life I have considered myself strawberry blond and very proud of that fact. This morning I saw silver, lots of it. It’s not the kind of silver that stands out against dark hair…one strand here and one strand there, easy to pull and get rid off. Mine is more of a shimmering silver color that blends with my strawberry tones.

You may not notice it when you look at me but it’s there and I can honestly say it makes me happy.

I want to grow old, I want to move through this world, I want to go home and be with God and my girls ~ until that day, I’m going to rock strawberry blond hair with silver highlights, and maybe, silver hair with strawberry blond highlights!

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