An Extra Day


On days like today, a snow day in our town, I can’t help but think of how excited we all would be to have an extra day. The girls would no doubt complain at some point that they were bored and I’m sure I too would go a bit stir crazy but we would have a day together ~ something that for more than 3 years I have only been able to long for.

I wrote this on Dec. 12, 2013 ~ nothing has changed.

I miss my girls and I am still finding refuge under His wings ❤

I Miss…

~ playing games with the girls at night; Uno, Jungle Speed, Wig Out, 1313 Dead End Drive and our new favorite The Game of Life.

~ snuggling with Anna in the morning.

~ telling the girls to stop fighting.

~ hearing about Abigail’s day at school.

~ playing Cafe with Anna…I would cook dinner and she would belly up to the bar with her babies and pretend she was at a Cafe.

~ Anna asking for a bednight snack.

~ Abigail asking questions about whether 6th grade was a good time to have a boyfriend.

~ laying in Anna’s bed while she brushed her teeth and danced around her room.

~ kissing Abigail goodnight and having her grab and pull me into bed with her.

~ Anna so intently watching Tom shave.

~ telling the girls I don’t have enough energy to play lava monster at 7:30 pm and having Abigail give me a hard time. (I’m not a night person)

~ giving Abigail a hard time at 7:30 am when she was grumpy and didn’t want to dance around with me. (She’s not a morning person)

~ that we understood this about one another but still gave each other a hard time anyway.

~ how my girls made me want to be the best parent I could be.

~ having kids play hide and go seek in our house. Many times trying to find Abigail because she knew all the good hiding spots.

~ having Ozilline knock at the door around 5:30 to ask for a play date and then hearing Taylor Swift blasting from upstairs 5 minutes after her arrival.

~ the girls asking to go get ice cream, over and over and over again.

~ Anna holding my hand.

~ Abigail asking if her hair looked stupid or was sticking up on the sides. It always looked fabulous.

~ dropping Abigail off at school and rolling down the window just as she was 5ft from the car and Anna and I screaming, “I love you Abigail.”

~ the look she gave us when we did that.

~ new artful creations emerging from the studio.

~ hearing Abigail and Tom talking in her bedroom.

~ monkey bars in the morning before school.

~ relentless request for sleep overs with friends.

~ the excitement that filled the house when Emily and Ben were coming for the weekend.

~ seeing Anna at recess and having her kiss and hug me a hundred times.

~ watching Anna ride Tiva.

~ having Abigail show me all her new Tap moves.

~ hanging out at the dance studio watching Anna in her tap class.

~ the smile she gave me when her eyes met and she knew I was watching.

~ listening to Anna care and nurture Baby Mary every single day!

~ hearing the loud music coming from Abigail’s room, even when the door was shut.

~ picking Anna up from her dad and listening to stories about her weekend away.

~ watching Tom dance with my girls.

~ elaborate dance productions in the family room staring my girls.

~ looking through the American Girl Doll catalog with Anna while snuggling up in the big red chair.

~ the excitement of finding Joey Francisco, our elf, each morning in December.

~ thinking about their future.

~ Anna giving me the “I Love You” sign as she drove away with her dad for their weekend together.

~ watching Anna lift Sampson’s back-end up so he could stand up.

~ sitting at the table and eating dinner as a family.

~ asking Anna to stay in her seat while eating dinner as a family.

~ talking/fighting with Abigail to do her reading.

~ being amazed that even when Abigail loved her book she would only read for exactly 30 min.

~ listening to the excitement in Anna’s voice because she was finally learning how to read.

~ listening to Abigail’s plans for her future.

~ listening to Anna’s plans for the future.

~ planning birthday parties with lots of surprises.

~ hugging Abigail and having her squeeze me really tight.

~ hearing Anna shout from the shower, “Mama where are you?”

~ hearing “Mama.”

~ planning family adventures.

~ finding our journal under my pillow and reading Abigail’s latest entry.

~ writing an entry back and telling her how proud I am of her.

~ talking about and then writing down 3 things that made Anna happy each day before she went to bed. Looking at her drawings of those 3 things the next morning.

~ watching Wonder Kratts and Curious George before school with Anna.

~ movie nights snuggled on the couch.

~ asking the girls to pick up their shoes.

~ paying out allowance.

~ listening to the girls plan for their allowance.

~ laughter.

~ watching Anna continuously move throughout the house every single night.

~ Abigail’s sweet singing voice.

~ Anna singing “We are Never Ever Getting Back Together,” by Taylor Swift at the top of her lungs.

~ finding love notes on my night stand.

~ my girls, I REALLY miss my girls.

This list can go on and on. I pray for continued peace and know that I will spend eternity with my girls. Until then, I will miss them terribly and will cherish the life I had here on earth with them. Under His wings I will find refuge. I am forever grateful His grace and for the time I had with my girls.



Digging Deep

Today was a snow day for all the kids in our town.

Today my heart has been heavy daydreaming about the excitement that used to fill our home on days like today.

I wish I didn’t have to search for pictures or dig deep for memories of what it felt like to have a snow day with my girls.

I wish they could be here to show their little sister how to make a snowman.


Happiness Journal

thanksgiving-playThis memory of our first Thanksgiving as a family makes me happy.

As Tom and I cleaned up the dishes from our feast the kids rehearsed a self-directed Thanksgiving play. I remember thinking as I watched that we were just like the Brady Bunch…didn’t they do a Thanksgiving play once?

I am so grateful for the many blessings I have in my life and the beautiful memories that our family creates every year. This year we have friends coming for dinner and our oldest daughter is here from college. We, Alice especially, love having her home.

Anna and Abigail I’m sure are having a feast in Heaven ~ I feel their warmth as my heart aches for them to be sitting at the table with us. As we move through another holiday season I hold on tightly to the memories we have created as a family and the trust I have in God’s love.

Happy Thanksgiving ❤



Yesterday Anna turned 10 years old and it was a big deal. anna thumbs up.jpg

Tom, Alice and I spent all weekend sharing lots of love and joy in her honor. I would love to tell you that my girl would have wanted to climb the highest mountain or do some far off adventure on her 10th birthday but I have a strong feeling she would have requested to go shopping with her friends, check out the new American Girl Doll store at the mall, go to Sushi Town for lunch and possibly hit the latest kids movie. In her honor we hit the town on Saturday and did just that minus the movie ~ Alice is still a little young.

Just before heading home, we made our last Love Rock stop ~ it was the hardest for my heart. Tom and Alice stayed in the car and I ran into Claire’s to leave our very last Love Rock. I went to the counter and explained why I was there ~ Abigail had gotten her ears pierced on her 10th birthday so this weekend would have been Anna’s turn. I asked the young lady at Claire’s to pass along my last birthday Love Rock to the next young girl that got her ears pierced, she smiled and said she would be honored to do so.

Yesterday, on Anna’s actual birthday, we spent lots of time with friends, shared lots of stories and watched as Alice walked her first 5 steps in her sister’s honor. I have a sneaky feeling that Anna was holding her hand ~ she wasn’t about to let Abigail get all the birthday glory with their new little sister.  ❤

Being 10 years old is a big deal and I can’t believe that my Anna is there. I would give absolutely anything to hold her and tell her how proud I am of her. She is my light and forever will be.

Happy Birthday Miss Anna ~ I love you to Heaven and back again, and again, and again…123happy-love-rocks-10-yrs