Sometimes I’m not sure what to say. Thank you just doesn’t seem good enough. If it was, I don’t think I would constantly feel like I don’t do enough to show my gratitude for all of the people, families, organizations, businesses and communities that have done so much to support us over the past five months. The support we have felt is unbelievable. We feel held by so many ever since the girls went to Heaven.

I want to be able to personally thank and hug every single person that has extended a hand to help us, brought us food, dropped gifts of kindness at our doorstep or simply just said a silent prayer that God will bring us peace through our suffering. I have list upon list of people who I want to thank. I’m not sure if I will ever get through them all. I do, however, pray for those who are keeping us in their prayers and have extended love to us in some way, even if they did so anonymously. I will do this forever.

My heart is overcome with gratitude. I feel so blessed and so loved by so many. God is so amazing and He has brought so many into our lives to take care of us during this time. He has filled our hearts with peace so prayers have definitely been answered.

Someone sent me this song shortly after the girls went to Heaven. I can’t stop listening to it. It speaks to me on so many levels.


This morning there was an early knock at the door from the mailman which usually means we have a package. It was big and sent from Northwest Washington. Inside was a beautiful handmade pillow, some photos of the girls put onto fabric and a bundle of fabric scraps, leftovers from a previous package we received about a month ago.

I had received a text from my friend Brandi saying she had a package for me from one of her friends that she wanted to bring over.  When she arrived she told me how the package came to be. Her dear friend, Tana, had seen something on her Facebook page regarding our story and felt completely compelled to do something.

In the package there was a beautiful handmade quilt. The colors, the fabric, the details and the pictures were absolutely perfect. The colors of the fabric were orange, pink, green, turquoise and purple. I had just redone our upstairs landing and the colors selected matched perfectly. The details, two pockets, one for each girl, held treasures to be found, much like the treasures I find in our house every single day. The pictures, some of my very favorites, were transferred onto fabric and placed throughout the quilt. My heart was overwhelmed with joy at this beautiful gesture of love from a complete stranger.

Along with the quilt was a letter, written by a mom who heard about our girls and said her heart bled for a family that she didn’t even know. She said she found herself talking to Anna and Abigail while picking colors for the fabric and trying to create the perfect gift.

I found myself talking to Abigail and Anna. I told them I knew about their art studio and had seen pictures of a few of their creations, so I knew they were very creative girls. I’m talking out loud, having this conversation…and then I felt their presence. I just knew they were there with me. So, I asked them to guide me, give me input, share their creativity. I was trying to decide on a measurement and loud and clear I heard “11+6 is 17″…I had chills from head to toe!!!! I realized this was the girls’ ages added together…and guess what…17 was the measurement that made the pieces all begin to come together. Susan, this made sense now! I was simply doing the motions, IT WAS YOUR GIRLS MAKING YOU THIS QUILT! So this is for you, from your amazing daughters!

Looking at the quilt I know this to be true. This quilt, that hangs in our landing that is located between Anna and Abigail’s rooms, fits both of them perfectly. There were other signs that occurred during the making of the quilt that made it so obvious that the girls were present. Tana wrote in her letter that with God there are no coincidences, just amazingness! I couldn’t agree more.

She wrote about her family and how they watched the quilt come together. She even included pictures of her little one holding a picture of our girls. My heart was full of so much love. I knew right then that Tana and I were going to be great friends, friends brought together by my girls.

We chatted on the phone a couple of days later and talked as though we had known each other forever. I feel so blessed by this new friendship and I can’t wait to meet in  person. The quilt, the pillow and everything they represent means the world to me. I am so grateful to my little angels for connecting us.

Can’t wait to give my new friend a great big hug.

quilt 4
Linus loves the quilt and pillow too. He is not allowed to touch either of them except for when he’s getting his picture taken.



6 thoughts on “Held

  1. Such a lovely post today. Most days I read, I feel so much sadness and pain. Today, as it rained, a bit of sunshine left the most vibrant rainbow I think I have ever saw. I thought of your girls and I thought of my two Golden’s. Jules who went to the bridge in November and Jazz left shortly after in January. I feel, today, Jazz & Jules were happily romping with Abigail and Anna. I felt that peace, that love and could hear the laughters though our windchimes as the weather settled down. Today, Susan, you brought a moment of peace to my broken heart, today you deserve the thank you. Bless you for your words and strength, for sharing, for your love.


  2. Such an amazing story and such a beautiful quilt. And I think Linus looks quite dapper posing in front of it. Praying for you always!


  3. Wow! What a holy experience! I’m so happy for you. A gift from the girls through someone that clearly let God work through her. I have a feeling these God-cidences will continue until you are with the girls again! Love you!


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