Today was the first day in a long time where I’ve been home all day. It’s been so nice not to go anywhere and be in our space.
I’ve spent the day catching up on all that is happening in our lives now. Playground planning, non-profit ideas and keeping up with the Love Rocks Facebook page has kept me very busy on my day at home.
As I sat down at my desk to write in this space I realized that I’m REALLY tired.
What I am feeling is different than anything I’ve ever felt before and I can honestly say that being a single mom of a newborn made me pretty tired. Not only is my body tired but now my grieving mind is also tired. Putting forth energy to get through another day of grief is very taxing. If I’m not careful and forget to take care of myself (drink lots of water and eat healthy food) I start to sense total exhaustion. I’ve been told that total exhaustion is not pretty and may put me out of commission for a while. I definitely can’t have that happen, I have lots I need to do yet.
I’m trying my best to limit what I do and to not tax my systems to much.
I remember getting to about 4 o’clock each day in the summer and asking Anna if she wanted to watch a movie which meant curling up on the couch with me so I could take a cat nap to get through the rest of my day. Those naps with Anna were the best because when I woke up we were all snuggled together. I was always so amazed how we fit perfectly together.
Now as 4 o’clock approaches each day and I’m feeling tired I close my eyes and remember how it felt to fall asleep with her on my chest. I would give anything for one of those naps.