My Life

Last year I think I was still in shock as we moved through the holiday season.

I’m no longer in shock and fully feel the absence of my girls. God is good and provides me with what I need to get out of bed every morning and I know he will bring me through my deepest sorrow but that doesn’t take away the pain I have right now. The longing is more than I can handle at times and I am angry. I’m not angry at anyone in particular ~ just feel I want to scream most of the time.

Today I wanted to write about being in Shrek the Musical or start one of many posts I plan on writing about our trip to Africa, but as I sit here to write, these are the only words I have.

I want my old life back.


15 thoughts on “My Life

  1. Oh sweetie, I cannot ever understand to know how it feels in your heart and soul to lose your little girls but understand to a lesser extent the ache of wanting our precious ones back, for things to be ‘as they were’ this Thanksgiving, this Christmas, this day, To feel the wonderful balance that they brought to our life and the awful off kilter nature of soaking into the settling in of the ‘new reality’. Sometimes I curse the new reality too. Then I smile to think that I would ever ask pop to come back to this imperfect place from the perfection of the great spirit.

    I wonder if my poppa and your girls are playing on the swingset today. He loved to push his little girls on ours. Perhaps he gets to now push your little girls on their heavenly swing?
    I love you.


  2. I want to scream for you. I am praying all the time for you. Love you friend and Im trusting Jesus to keep holding you up through this deep sorrow.


  3. HUGS! I totally understand where you are coming from with this one! Do what you need to do for the holiday season, go away, don’t celebrate at all, celebrate big, whatever you need to do! This is the hardest thing anyone EVER has to deal with and you have a double dose. Be kind to yourself, you deserve it!


  4. Susan,
    Say it. Scream it. As many times as you want. You do not ever have to fake it. Some days must really be overwhelming. As so many of us complain about the stupidest tiny details and worries. Please feel the love as we all wish we could give you back that old life.


  5. Praying for you……that you feel God’s loving arms surrounding you now. God knows and understands, and He cares…..and we all do, too. ❤


  6. Please, please know that we are here in thoughts and prayers. There are no words but I am praying that God surrounds you with peace and his love. Your beautiful girls would want you to be at peace and not hurting.


  7. I think of you often and pray for you always. I can’t begin to imagine the pain. My husband was reading the Oregonian on-line this morning and brought the laptop up to me in bed and said there is an article you would be interested in. He set it down and walked away and I was looking at the screen at all the wrong headlines, reading them to him and questioning why he thought I would be interested in “Can a logging town find its way back?” and “Feds’ ‘collection agency’ takes back ill-gotten gains.” So he came and showed me the article about Love Rocks in McMinnville. Usually when bad things happen, people don’t know how to respond and your Love Rocks give people something positive to do in response to tragedy.
    Love and hugs.
    Teresa Hopper


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