Permission

For two years the hardest place for me to go in our house is Anna’s closet. It was where she spent a lot of her time – which may sound very strange but it’s almost big enough to be a room on it’s own. It was not only her closet but her office, apartment, Baby Mary’s room and her hang out spot.  I have beautiful memories of both the girls playing house together in this space. Anna would be so thrilled to be “hanging out” with her older sister and Abigail was thrilled to be “playing” with her younger sister.

This space has gone untouched for two years.

I’ve been spending some time thinking about where to put our little one’s clothes. She is sharing a room with her big sister Anna but, after we made that decision, I also decided that the closet would be off limits, that’s Anna’s space. This morning, my nesting instincts in high gear, I found myself at a loss on where to store this littles belongings.

I then heard her faint whisper, “Mom, it’s ok she can use my closet.”

It was so clear that I yelled to Tom that Anna just gave me permission to use her sacred space for her sister. We both cried.

This morning I have been in Anna’s closet longer than I have in the past two years. I cleaned it, reorganized some of her things, put away things I know that she wouldn’t want her sister to get into (yet) and then made some room so that they can share this sacred space.

While cleaning out drawers and looking through half used notebooks I found new treasures which made it so clear to me why today, of all days, Anna whispered in my ear.

Today my daughter, once again, gave me reassurance that Heaven is so close and that both my girls will be very present when their little sister arrives home.