I Miss….

I Miss…

~ playing games with the girls at night; Uno, Jungle Speed, Wig Out, 1313 Dead End Drive and our new favorite The Game of Life.

~ snuggling with Anna in the morning.

~ telling the girls to stop fighting.

~ hearing about Abigail’s day at school.

~ playing Cafe with Anna…I would cook dinner and she would belly up to the bar with her babies and pretend she was at a Cafe.

~ Anna asking for a bednight snack.

~ Abigail asking questions about whether 6th grade was a good time to have a boyfriend.

~ laying in Anna’s bed while she brushed her teeth and danced around her room.

~ kissing Abigail goodnight and having her grab and pull me into bed with her.

~ Anna so intently watching Tom shave.

~ telling the girls I don’t have enough energy to play lava monster at 7:30 pm and having Abigail give me a hard time. (I’m not a night person)

~ giving Abigail a hard time at 7:30 am when she was grumpy and didn’t want to dance around with me. (She’s not a morning person)

~ that we understood this about one another but still gave each other a hard time anyway.

~ how my girls made me want to be the best parent I could be.

~ having kids play hide and go seek in our house. Many times trying to find Abigail because she knew all the good hiding spots.

~ having Ozilline knock at the door around 5:30 to ask for a play date and then hearing Taylor Swift blasting from upstairs 5 minutes after her arrival.

~ the girls asking to go get ice cream, over and over and over again.

~ Anna holding my hand.

~ Abigail asking if her hair looked stupid or was sticking up on the sides. It always looked fabulous.

~ dropping Abigail off at school and rolling down the window just as she was 5ft from the car and Anna and I screaming, “I love you Abigail.”

~ the look she gave us when we did that.

~ new artful creations emerging from the studio.

~ hearing Abigail and Tom talking in her bedroom.

~ monkey bars in the morning before school.

~ relentless request for sleep overs with friends.

~ the excitement that filled the house when Emily and Ben were coming for the weekend.

~ seeing Anna at recess and having her kiss and hug me a hundred times.

~ watching Anna ride Tiva.

~ having Abigail show me all her new Tap moves.

~ hanging out at the dance studio watching Anna in her tap class.

~ the smile she gave me when her eyes met and she knew I was watching.

~ listening to Anna care and nurture Baby Mary every single day!

~ hearing the loud music coming from Abigail’s room, even when the door was shut.

~ picking Anna up from her dad and listening to stories about her weekend away.

~ watching Tom dance with my girls.

~ elaborate dance productions in the family room staring my girls.

~ looking through the American Girl Doll catalog with Anna while snuggling up in the big red chair.

~ the excitement of finding Joey Francisco, our elf, each morning in December.

~ thinking about their future.

~ Anna giving me the “I Love You” sign as she drove away with her dad for their weekend together.

~ watching Anna lift Sampson’s back-end up so he could stand up.

~ sitting at the table and eating dinner as a family.

~ asking Anna to stay in her seat while eating dinner as a family.

~ talking/fighting with Abigail to do her reading.

~ being amazed that even when Abigail loved her book she would only read for exactly 30 min.

~ listening to the excitement in Anna’s voice because she was finally learning how to read.

~ listening to Abigail’s plans for her future.

~ listening to Anna’s plans for the future.

~ planning birthday parties with lots of surprises.

~ hugging Abigail and having her squeeze me really tight.

~ hearing Anna shout from the shower, “Mama where are you?”

~ hearing “Mama.”

~ planning family adventures.

~ finding our journal under my pillow and reading Abigail’s latest entry.

~ writing an entry back and telling her how proud I am of her.

~ talking about and then writing down 3 things that made Anna happy each day before she went to bed. Looking at her drawings of those 3 things the next morning.

~ watching Wonder Kratts and Curious George before school with Anna.

~ movie nights snuggled on the couch.

~ asking the girls to pick up their shoes.

~ paying out allowance.

~ listening to the girls plan for their allowance.

~ laughter.

~ watching Anna continuously move throughout the house every single night.

~ Abigail’s sweet singing voice.

~ Anna singing “We are Never Ever Getting Back Together,” by Taylor Swift at the top of her lungs.

~ finding love notes on my night stand.

~ my girls, I REALLY miss my girls.

This list can go on and on.


12 thoughts on “I Miss….

  1. Oh Susan this such a rich list that makes me smile in the sense of what a wonderful home the girls came home to every day but it also made my heart ache for you… I am wishing wonderful things to come your way and slowly fill some of the space left by the everyday moments, kindnessess, and rituals you are now missing. When I read the line about the love notes from them… I had an imagine of your girls trying very hard to leave you little love notes whenever and however they can… be it in the song of a bird, a wave of happy memories, a hug from one of us, or just those special moments where there is breath of peace and beauty and you can feel them loving you.


  2. Yesterday, I was sharing the idea of your happiness journals with my friend Shannon. She was asking me how you did it as I had stated, I wanted to start a happiness journal with my kiddos. I love that you have a written record of what made your family even more wonderful on a daily basis. You and Tom are amazing, I continue to pray for you and the girls’ friends.


  3. As I read this, three words came to my mind…heartache, embrace, comfort..and I kept thinking about all you wrote..and when I put it all together…I pray the heartache you both are suffering, well that these memories can embrace you with comfort.


  4. Susan, you may find this hard to believe, since I didn’t know your girls personally like all the amazing people in your daily life. But I did truly enjoy following your adventures via FB and seeing such joy in your world. I miss seeing the weekend updates and fresh smiles. I miss the new discoveries you shared as a family. I love the idea of these memories being kisses from heaven from your girls. It seems so fitting. I am thankful for you, and your continued honesty and openness through this process. Thank you, Mama.


  5. Susan you are so brave! I know they are looking down on you, giving you the strength to keep moving! Always remember these things, they love you and you will always love them! No matter the distance between you, your love cuts through like fire to snow and keeps on giving! I love you and Tom so much and I know that soon you will see them again! In a blink of an eye!


  6. I love to hear about all the little and big things you did with them. I wish so very much that your time here had not been cut short with them. There will be love and miracles in your future. Lots of love. Tons of miracles. Jesus gives us hope for the future, for if we ask in his name, it will be given. We know that. Hold onto all these sweet memories and we’ll all keep asking for blessings to continue to be poured down on you both. When we hurt, so does our Savior. I know you will continue to be held by Him who is holding your girls in His loving arms now.


  7. How can you not miss all of the little things that you shared with them? Every little thing that pops into your head about them are the girls blowing you kisses from heaven.
    Every thought is a kiss.
    They want you to remember them and all of the things you loved about them. They dont want you to forget them. Kids are naive and think that because you are not there with them, they are forgotten. So they blow kisses to you and in pops a memory that they want you to remember, even if it is a long forgotten one. That is how you know how much they love you.
    My heart aches for you susan and i dont know how you are doing it, but keep on keeping on. You are surviving, one day at a time. I havent prayed for years, but i find myself praying for you daily. Love ya.


  8. The way you love your girls and share memories of special and everyday moments helps me feel even more thankful for my everyday life with Jamie and helps me be a more present mom. I love the journals that you and the girls shared.


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