I’m sitting with a list of things I need to do by my side. We just returned from a visit with family in Ohio and there is laundry to do and a trip to the grocery store in our plans for today.
I don’t want to do anything but snuggle with Alice.
I want to curl up with her, close my eyes and wish the next month away.
In one months time my girls will have been in Heaven for 3 years ~ my heart wishes so much that was not my reality, our reality.
Tom and I are struggling because the season hurts so bad. We are struggling because we both want so badly to reverse time, go back and change the course that our lives took 3 years ago.
We have light in our lives and we have so much sadness.
So much sadness.
I can hear Anna yell from upstairs, “Mom, make sure to get caramel sauce today at the store to dip my apples in at lunch.”
I can see Abigail’s grumpy face as she sits down for breakfast before school, she was never a morning person.
To hear their voices and to see their faces in person is what my heart so desperately longs for.
Desperate is how I feel these days.
I work really hard keeping my mind focused on the light instead of the darkness of my longing.
I’m not “ok,” I’m just working really hard trying to survive the pain and the darkness.
Today I just want to hug my girls ~ I desperately want to hug my girls.