Every night after our evening routine (teeth brushed, happiness journal written, running around her room 20 times and dancing) we would lie in bed together and pray. Anna liked when I said the prayer, she was still bashful to pray out loud. Every night when I finished she would tag on her own request to God, “oh, and one more thing please put a baby in my mama’s belly.” Every night I would also say that prayer wanting so badly a little brother or sister for our kids ~ our family!
It was Saturday morning and I had a list of things to do. I jumped on Facebook for a second and was completely overcome with a feeling I thought I would never have again. A friend of mine had posted a picture of a little girl in China who was in desperate need of adoption. She was 10 months old and very sick, she needed a liver transplant or she was going to Heaven.
There was something about her little face, something about her eyes, her nose that felt so familiar to me. I immediately called Tom into the room, shared the post and said, “we can do this.” He agreed.
We spent the next 2 days calling the adoption agency and people connected to her story, writing emails, and filling out paper work. My to-do list got pushed off my desk and the only thing on our minds was this little girl getting a chance at life. I had no idea how we would ever come up with the funds for an international adoption, let alone all the medical cost that would go into this little girls needs. I had no idea about anything but something in my heart told me none of that mattered ~ she needed a chance.
On Monday morning I talked with a woman from the agency and it turned out that there were a number of people who were already in their system who were interested in this little girl. These families already had all the months of work that goes into an international adoption behind them ~ we were just starting and this little one didn’t have lots of time. My heart broke for Tom and I but I knew that there was something bigger at work in all of this; I trusted God.
I sat and prayed that if we were not going to be her family that God already had a family all lined up for her. I gave thanks for this little child of God for opening my heart to a possibility that I never thought I would want again. I grieved that she would not be ours.
That weekend, God placed this little girl in our path to open our hearts to His plan ~ one that was too hard for me to even bear until I saw her face. I really had no idea what He had in store for us but It is very clear to me that this little one is part of our story. I pray for her everyday and will do so for as long as I am here.
A couple of weeks ago I found out that not only did she get placed with a forever family, she also received a new liver and is doing great.
It had been a hard couple of weeks, Mother’s Day was just around the corner and I didn’t want to spend it without my girls ~ my unfixable problem. We had some plans but we have learned not to have a lot of expectations for holidays ~ we never know just how we will feel.
I opened my eyes and took a deep breath into my reality, as I do each morning. That morning, though, it was different for some reason, I wasn’t feeling very well. I was nauseous ~ a feeling that was very reminiscent to one I had 8 years earlier. I started to do some math in my head and realized that this feeling I had could possibly be something a little more involved than a bug. I had been extremely tired for weeks but thought it was just due to grief.
I shared with Tom and he ran out of the house for the grocery store.
The test couldn’t be more clear ~ we were having a baby.
I sat on the bed and cried. Happy tears and sad tears both poured down my face. Happy for this little life that Tom and I created and sad that our girls were not here to share in our joy. I then remember Anna’s prayer, one I did not continue to say once she went to Heaven. A baby in my belly was Anna’s prayer, her gift to us.
God’s timing, His plan and the events of the last couple of months all became very clear. He was preparing our hearts for this little soul ~one that He has selected just for us, for our family.
Anna’s prayer was answered and I can’t think of a better Mother’s Day gift from my girl.