Last night I slept the entire night (which is not normal for me these days) and woke up feeling totally covered in prayer.
Thank you ❤
The anticipation of a day is sometimes the hardest when dates on the calendar have meaning ~ holidays, changing of a season, birthdays and Heaven Day.
Heaven Day ~ a date on the calendar that marks that we are another year closer to our girls.
The past 2 years have flown by…I truly feel like it was just yesterday Abigail was picking out Tom’s clothes for church and Anna and I were making waffles for breakfast. I’m grateful that those memories are still so vivid and that they feel so close.
I was told early on that year 2 was the hardest. We are through year 2 and I can say that it’s all been pretty hard. The longing in my heart for Anna and Abigail will never change and/or ease ~ never. What I can say is that in choosing to love, in choosing to celebrate their lives and take all of the focus off the negative and put it all on how beautiful my girls are (not were), both inside and out, keeps them here with us.
Shortly after they went to Heaven I had a tremendous fear that one day they would just go away. That I would have to say goodbye for good and that I would be expected to move on. My fear was that someone someday would say, “Susan, it’s time.”
I made a commitment to the girls and to myself that I would not do that, ever, I promised them that their legacy would be far-reaching and I would do everything I could to hold them tight for as long as we were apart. I am sure that in Heaven, seeing the whole picture, they have no expectations for me. Being their mom, which will never change, I will always take care of them ~ I can’t imagine ever “moving on” from that.
On the morning of Oct. 20, 2013 I was proud of my girls for the young ladies they were becoming. I remember feeling so blessed to have such a beautiful, loving and caring family. I remember daydreaming about what they would do in their lives and who they would become.
This morning, Oct. 20, 2015, I am still proud but in ways I would have never imagined. Anna and Abigail have shown me what it means to truly love and to do so without expectations. They have been a light and a link to the Hope that we all can have through God.
One day there will be an Oct. 20th when we are all together in Heaven seeing the whole picture and feeling the purest of love and joy there is.
I can’t wait for that day!!!