I remember it was a beautiful Fall weekend full of sunshine.
I remember holding her hand while we walked into the restaurant.
I remember how good the milkshake tasted.
I remember smiling as she recited the poem she wrote, “One, Two, Three, I Am Happy.”
I remember the excitement they both felt not having school that Friday.
I remember calling up to Anna and telling her we needed to head outside to watch the homecoming parade that was just about to start.
I remember appreciating our small town and its small town traditions.
I remember filling our pockets with candy.
I remember thinking Abigail was definitely a pre-teen, all she wanted to do that weekend was spend time with her friends.
I remember feeling blessed that she had such great friends.
I remember walking up to the pumpkin patch, hearing them argue, turning around and telling them we may need to go home if they didn’t stop.
I remember laughing while I watched Tom race the girls around the track riding tiny tricycles.
I remember telling the girls, again, to stop arguing as they fought over who was going to stand next to the big pumpkin for the annual pumpkin patch picture.
I remember telling them that in the end they were sisters and they would always have each other – so stand next to the pumpkin and smile.
I remember Anna standing on the front of the cart as we did our weekly grocery shopping as a family.
I remember Abigail trying to sneak her favorite snacks into the cart.
I remember Tom saying yes to the giant cup of ice cream at Costco and both girls looking at me with the expression of, “don’t be mad at us, he said we could have it.”
I remember taking more than one spoonful for myself.
I remember doing yard work while Anna played in the fairy garden.
I remember how excited she was to have a surprise visit from her friend for a spontaneous playdate at the park.
I remember grounding Abigail from her phone for having a pre-teen moment.
I remember how excited she was that we were letting her go to the corn maze with her friends, without her phone of course.
I remember how excited she was when she came home with stories of teenage fun.
I remember picking Anna up from her friends house after a birthday party, some Fall fun and a smores in the backyard.
I remember that she didn’t want to sleep over at her friends house but rather cuddle up with me that night.
I remember learning how to salsa dance with Tom thinking that our girls would be proud and totally embarrassed. I was excited to show them our latin moves.
These memories are my most vivid of my girls. These are just a few of the last memories I have from their last weekend here on earth.
It was such a full weekend filled with laughter, smiles, friends, arguing, ice cream and family.
My heart is extremely heavy and I feel the water getting deeper.
Jet lag, transitioning from a third world country to back home and the up coming anniversary of our girls Heaven Day is taking its toll.
For Tom and I, the sadness of our girls absence never leaves us. The mark on the calendar just means that we can no longer say, “this time last year.”
The distance from these memories of our last weekend together is getting greater. I will hold on tight though. I will always remember, always share and I will cherish every moment we had together.
God has gotten us this far and I fully trust He will guide us the rest of the way until we are home, broken heart and all.
I just wish I could have my old life back and not have to live this life without my girls.
Trusting His plan.