I shared this video last January in a post called Bubbles. It’s one of my favorites but I would probably say that about all of our videos and photos at this point.
Today I sat and studied every little gesture each of them had as I watched over and over again. I then closed my eyes and listen to their voices, oh how I miss their voices. I smiled the moment Abigail gets frustrated with her sister, “ANNA!” I smiled at the little smirk my girl gives her frustrated sister, “at least we didn’t get it on my mom’s phone.”
Abigail’s room just the way she liked it…music playing.
Anna’s mouth full of gum…looks to me like 2-3 pieces.
Over and over and over again.
Tom had the day off yesterday so we had plans to take Linus to the beach. We were excited to go spend a beautiful sunny day together at one of our favorite spots, Hug Point. We were both looking forward to watching our big goofy dog run and play in the sand.
As we walked from the car to the beach I could feel my heart getting heavier. We walked to the end of the beach, took a few photos, sat amongst the rocks and talked about how sad we felt.
We talked about how much we missed our girls. I told Tom that a couple weeks before they went to Heaven I remember thinking to myself that we didn’t get to the coast enough that summer. I remember telling myself that next summer would be different, next summer we would try to go once a week.
Tom and I have tried a handful of times to enjoy this beautiful place an hour from our home. We have tried to pretend that we are “ok” and that we can handle the pain ~ maybe this time it will be different I usually tell myself.
Anna and Abigail loved the coast and the memories of my girls running, digging, playing and enjoying are bright lights for both of us. I am so happy I have those memories but being in this place they both loved so much brings such sadness. There won’t be a “next summer”.
After an hour we decided to come back home. I know we will go back and I know each time we do our hearts will be heavy. Tom and I both are very aware that, even though God provides us with a tremendous amount of peace, this journey we are on will always be hard and there will always be places that are just so difficult to go.
As for Linus ~ he was just happy to be with his people for the day.
I was making dinner and I could hear giggling as she made her way downstairs. She was trying to be sneaky ~ not wanting me to know it was truly her in the tiger costume.
Sampson wasn’t sure what to make of it all.
She came around the corner on all fours growling. I remember thinking she was the cutest little tiger I had ever seen.
I grabbed my camera and she gave me a big growl and then a big smile. We both laughed.
I went back to making dinner and she went back to the jungle ~ but only after a pretend drink from the watering hole.
Yesterday I ran into a friend at the grocery store, she was shopping with her two youngest. At one point in our conversation her 4 yr old girl asked to be picked up so lifted her little one onto her hip. As we finished our conversation her daughter took her little hands and placed them onto her mama’s cheeks ~ grabbing her face and pulling it close to her own.
Sometimes that’s all it takes to trigger the best of memories with my girls. That little gesture had me in world wind of sweet memories of when Miss Anna was little. She used to grab my face and squeeze my cheeks all the time and she also loved to pull on my earring, which I must say drove me a bit nuts.
I love remembering what it feels like to have her cold hands on my cheeks ~ she would squeeze and say, “I love you so much mama.” I would reply that I loved her too but she wouldn’t let go of my cheeks so it always came out funny. We would both laugh.
I love remembering her little laugh.
I get asked a lot how I’m doing. My answer is always the same, “I’m hanging in there.”
Lately I feel that is all I can do ~ hang on ~ because if I didn’t I would get swallowed up by my sorrow. It is not the holidays that is bringing this new depth of sadness, but rather the distance that I feel from my girls, the distance from the little moments we have shared and the fact that there are no more earthly moments for us.
God has and will continue to bring me peace. I do rest in His word and I look forward to the day we are all together again, but right now, while I’m still here and they are in Heaven, I am feeling lost without them.
I miss everything about my old life, even the tugging Anna would do on my earring.
My favorite free online photo editing program is PicMonkey. I was introduced to it by my friend Brenda and I haven’t looked back since. It has tons of great fonts and lots of ways you can be creative with your photos.
I was working on something this morning and saw that they had a new theme available…Comic Heroes.
I smiled because I knew I was about to sit for a couple of hours playing with this new theme. The best part…I had the perfect photos to play with.
For Anna’s 5th Birthday I threw her a Lady Bug Girl birthday party. The Lady Bug Girl books were some of her favorites and she really loved dressing up. I made masks, caps, antennas and a wand for all the kids so they could be a lady bug, bee, dragon fly or a butterfly. We had the party at The Flight School Gymnastic Center were we set up an obstacle course for all the kids to “practice” their super bug skills.
It was a lot of fun and the kids seemed to really enjoy dressing up and playing on all the fun equipment.
The best part ~ Anna loved it!