In Love

He sat at the end of the bed with tears streaming down his face, “I miss our girls.”

“Me too.”

I was in charge of greeting everyone that came to the medical clinic. I stood, in the hot sun, most of the day connecting with the people of Kijabe and loved every minute of it. They were all so kind and thankful for what our team and the local doctors and volunteers were doing for their community.

It was a very humbling experience to sit and talk with people about what their basic needs – they included many things I took for granted daily.

Tom was in the prayer tent, each person who attended the clinic went to this space to have someone pray for their specific needs. We planned on taking these prayers home with us and would continue to pray for the beautiful people of Kijabe – sometimes that is all one can do.

He had just come out of the tent, was standing about 20 ft away talking with another team member and a local woman.

My heart started to race as our eyes connected.

I smiled and realized that the racing of my heart was due to the fact that I was madly in love with my husband. I was so proud of him and could outwardly see his love for the Lord. He is such a gentle soul and has so much to give to so many. He is a wonderful father and loving husband and I am so blessed and grateful to be walking this journey of life with him.

My heart is still racing!

Tom in Kijabe

We walked into the kitchen and pulled out some Kenya coffee beans. “I’m so glad you pushed us to go on an adventure for God instead of going to Fiji,” I said with a smile. “I love you more today than I ever have and I’m so glad that we are in this life together with God to guide us.”

“Me too,” he responded with a heartwarming smile.

We went on this adventure to serve God in hopes that he would draw us closer to Him which would in turn draw us closer together. He is so faithful and has done exactly that in our lives.

I am so in love and I know my girls are smiling in Heaven!!!

us

 

Thank you all so much for your prayers and encouragement over the past two weeks. God has done amazing things in our lives and I can’t wait to share.

Fiercely and Unconditionally

wedding praying

The statistics are not in our favor. Eighty percent of all marriages end in divorce after the death of a child.  We are aware of this fact and we both see how what we have lost can impact our marriage in ways nothing else will. Like everything else though we get to choose which way this will go and whether the circumstance of our lives will strengthen us, or rip us apart.

It is not easy, grief and the reality of our situation makes everything hard. I can be smiling one moment and crying the next. I can be laughing and then in seconds be very angry at something that would never have angered me before. Sometimes I want to be comforted and other times I want to be left alone. I can be very critical  and I know at times I am not easy to live with right now.

Tom is so patient and so loving. He holds me even when I don’t want to be held. He is a wonderful father and he loves Jesus with all of his heart. He prays for me, for us and for our children daily. He feels a pain that I wish I could take away. He loves me.

I can honor Anna and Abigail in many ways; build a park, spread love and joy around the world through Love Rocks, start a non-profit and even create the most beautiful rainbow tree ever.

The one thing that will honor my girls and honor God the most though is to love, fiercely and unconditionally, my husband through this journey of ours. The bond that we have I know will strengthen, because our relationship does not just include the two of us. It also includes God, who brought us together 4 years ago when our paths crossed, and if we allow it He will strengthen us and make us whole again.

One day, we will all be in eternity together ~ this I know without doubt. Until that time I am going to love my husband fiercely and unconditionally for God, for us and for our girls in Heaven.

Today is our 3rd Anniversary and I am so blessed to have this man by my side through this journey called life.

I love you Tom Robinson!
tom and me

 

Abigail’s Speech

When Tom and I got married Abigail wanted to make a speech. She worked and worked on the right words to say and when the time came she stood in front of us, and all of our guests and said these words.

These two young people have come together forever and today is their special day. This day, their special day, is the one day in my life I will always remember. This day is called their wedding day. This wedding day is not plain and normal, it’s the one day that these two people come together and share their love. I am only 9 years old and I really don’t know much about this but I do know that my Dad and Susan will be the greatest couple ever. Susan, Daddy, Emily, Anna, Ben and I will live happily ever after. Happy Wedding Day!

How blessed am I to have had this sweet girl in my life. I love that she called us young people and I love that she knew that we would be the greatest couple ever.

As Tom and I try to figure out this journey and work at ways to strengthen our lives together I’m glad I have these little gifts to reflect back on. I’m glad that Abigail was so brave to share her heart on our wedding day and I’m glad I found her speech tucked away in a special spot.

Today, as the sun is shining and the birds are chirping outside my window, I’m going to choose joy and allow my heart to be filled with love. This week has been difficult for our community but in any difficult circumstances there is a choice. You can dwell in the negative and turn your back to God asking “why me/us” or you can open your heart and allow God to strengthen your soul. I will continue to open my heart and allow God to strengthen me and I encourage those around me to do the same. He will show up I promise.

We will live happily ever after, just like Abigail said.

 

abs speech abs speech 2 abs hug

 

Seal Rock

Not a lot of words today just pictures from this weekend’s trip to Seal Rock. We are so blessed by so many and this weekend was another blessing by people we don’t even know.  Our cousin, Tori, connected us with some folks who had a wonderful place at Seal Rock and they wanted us to go and spend a weekend there to get away.

Tom and I are learning how to be in this new life of ours. Having some time away to focus on us is definitely appreciated. We can’t thank the Hertert’s enough for allowing us to be in their beautiful space for the weekend.

On Saturday morning I sat with my coffee looking out the window that overlooked the coast. Waves crashing against the rocks, seagulls flying and a tide that was slowly going out. I was waiting for my rainbow to appear, the girls telling me that they were there. All of a sudden Tom yells, “Are those eagles?” Sure enough two beautiful bald eagles soared in front of the window and of course I was so taken by it I spilt my coffee all over my lap. We both laughed. Those girls!

God is grand and his creation is so magnificent. I’m sure that what my girls are seeing is beyond words and I know that if asked to come back they would assure me that they are good where they are. They know that we will be there soon enough.

Even when I don’t want to go another day without them God assures me that it will be alright and gives me the peace in knowing that we will be together again.

I know this to be true and for that I am so grateful.

seal 2 seal1 seal5 seal 3 seal 7 seal rock

Spending the rest of my day in our studio sewing. I’m working on some creations in honor of my girls. I’m really enjoying being in our space and I’m hoping to get lost in it today.