Cherished Memories of a Life Well Lived
I miss these faces so much.
Now that Abigail’s a teenager I have this longing to sit on her bed and talk life with her. After spending time at Anna’s school today I have a longing to curl up in our big red chair and have her read to me. I long just to be in their presence.
Resting in God’s truth to keep me a float today.
I miss them so much!
4.3 miles, over 10,000 steps, 500+ calories burnt and spending time with this lady….wonderful Love Drenched Walk today!
When her older sister had a surprise party for her 16th birthday she started asking every year, “will I ever have a surprise party for my birthday?”
We would tell her that if we answered that question it wouldn’t be a surprise. She hated that answer.
I always knew that her 13th birthday would be her year ~ just like it was my year many, many birthdays ago. She would be young enough to enjoy having us around but old enough to really appreciate the surprise.
This was her year!
Last night Tom and I pulled off a reverse surprise party for some of Abigail’s friends. As they all stood out in front of the movie theater, wondering why they all were there, we arrived yelling surprise and blowing party horns. I think they were still clueless until we told them they were spending the evening with us celebrating Abigail.
Smiles all around.
As the last girl left our house after a night of watching Into the Woods (I know Abigail would have loved it), eating pizza (one of her favorites), drinking Hansen soda (another favorite), drinking milkshakes (family tradition) and creating beautiful owl drawings (one of her favorite animals and something she absolutely loved doing), Tom and I walked back into our empty house with smiles on our faces….we pulled off a surprise party for our Abigail!
Last night my heart was happy watching Abigail’s friends be teenagers.
I would wait till she was awake before I left. We would cuddle a bit and then I would get my running clothes on. The deal was she could stay in my bed and watch cartoons till I returned. Some days it was easy to slip away and other days she didn’t want me to leave. I would tell her I would only be an hour and then we would have all day together ~ she was usually fine with that especially when she knew Tom was in the kitchen making pancakes for breakfast.
This is how our weekends usually started.
For the past year it has been very difficult to get back into my running/walking routine. It is very easy to talk myself out of leaving the house and get moving~ it’s too hot, too cold, it’s raining, I’m tired, I’m not feeling well, I’m to sad.
This morning, Tom had some running around to do so I decided that I needed to get out, take Linus for a walk and enjoy the brisk clear morning. I contemplated whether or not I should take my earphones as a distraction from my own thoughts. I will be honest and say that sometimes not having a distraction is very scary ~ the memories of the night they went to Heaven can be unbearable. I have become very skilled at avoiding triggers but sometimes my mind will just go there.
I decided to bring the earphones just in case and of course a pocket full of Love Rocks.
Linus and I headed to the B Street Trail…one of his favorite places to go. As we walked down the trail my mind wandered: favorite memories of riding our bikes with the girls; playing in the snow up on the mountain and then smiling at the fact that Anna hated to be cold which then lead me to thinking of her being warm, snuggled in my bed, watching Curious George and waiting for my return.
She’s not there ~ I grabbed for my earphones.
Hearing something Linus stopped and looked overhead ~ I followed. Flying directly above us, maybe 20ft, was a red tail hawk using the B Street Trail as a runway, guiding it to a tall tree that sat next to the trail. It landed on a high branch and sat watching us, at least I felt as though it was watching us.
I smiled, grateful for a gentle reminder to stay present and allow my mind to just be. In that moment I felt so much Love and Joy.
I put my earphones back in my pocket.
This morning my walk was love-drenched and it was exactly what I needed to start my day. My mind did go to places that hurt but what I’m realizing is that, as hard as I try to avoid it sometimes, it will always hurt.
It hurts because I love and that LOVE ~ our LOVE ~ I wouldn’t trade for the world.
No words today just the first photo I took of Anna and Abigail together. We were sitting in Anna’s room at our old home playing dress up. I remember sitting on the floor laughing at their antics and thinking about how much fun we were going to have that summer. We had so much fun!
She couldn’t wait for this day to come. She so badly wanted to be a “real” teenager.
We would tell her often not to wish her youth away and that before she knew it she would be 16 than 18 than 25 and so on. She didn’t care, she just wanted to be older and being called a teenager was what she wanted most.
Today Abigail is finally a teenager and from everything we saw from her she would have been the most amazing teenager. Yes, I know that we would have our fair share of disagreements and challenges ~ it wouldn’t have all been perfect, but watching Abigail come into herself her last few months here on earth I have no doubt in my mind the type of young lady she was becoming.
She was confident, funny, beautiful in every way possible, wise beyond her years and she was lovely ~ so lovely.
I was only in her life for a short time but, as we often said, it felt like we had always been together. She taught me so much about being a mom and, even when I was struggling trying to figure it all out, she always had a way of bringing a beautiful light into every situation ~ even when she was mad at me for asking her to do her homework.
Abigail, you are my hero in so many ways and I am so blessed to call you my daughter. I love you more than words could possibly say and I miss you so much.
Milkshakes and PG-13 movies for you today ~ I know you are smiling in Heaven because you’ve already seen a lot of PG-13 movies and you would be upping the ante to rated R.
Happy Birthday to my beautiful teenager ~ you are and will always be a beautiful light in this world.
love-drenched-life.com 