Sorrow and Joy

Overwhelming sorrow of not being able to hold them and a deep sense of joy knowing my girls are with their Creator; that is what I feel.

On one hand I take deep breaths to get me through each moment, my heart aches in ways I never knew were possible, and I really don’t know how I’ll make it through another day without my girls. On the other hand my heart is full of love and joy; I’m overwhelmed by the grace that God has given me and I have a tremendous amount of peace that everything is going to be ok.

I look at their pictures, remember their laughs and watch video after video, desperately wanting one more second with each of them. I miss them so much. My heart hurts and as each new day brings memories of a time once shared, I feel a sadness that takes over my being. I feel the water getting deeper and deeper and I know I need to go under for awhile, to feel the sorrow and the pain that only comes with allowing myself to truly come to terms with my loss.

I feel His arms holding me as I take each step into the water, knowing I need to go to this place that will bring so much pain. I hear His voice reassuring me that He will not let me go, that He will stay close and make sure that I will resurface. I have seen His glory surround me and know that I will be ok, and that one day Anna, Abigail and I will be reunited.

Today, this very minute, I just want to hold them and be joyful and silly together.

mama and girls silly

 

 

6 thoughts on “Sorrow and Joy

  1. My heart aches for you Susan!! All I can say is I love you and pray for Tom and you daily!! Wish I was closer to you so I could just give you a hug!! Missing you, thinking of you, and sending you lots of love!!💜💙

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  2. We are surrounded by reminders to pray for you. Today I heard Rowan yelling for me to come down to buy lemonade for him and of course we went right down. My heart was so heavy, just wishing Anna could be one of the little lemonade sellers. When my heart hurts for your loss because of a reminder like today, I say a prayer for you and Tom. I’m sorry that the grief journey is so difficult. I know God is with you and Tom. You have both given us so many opportunities to come beside you, which is amazingly generous and grace filled. We keep praying, keep making love rocks and stay on the ready for opportunities where we can be there to lift you up in any way possible. It hurts so much. I’m sorry for that.

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  3. Oh how my heart weeps and yerns to do anything, anything to ease your pain. Our preschool/ Kinders are making love rocks in Sunday school today! This is my rainbow today! Honoring Anna and Abby and spreading the love! Xoxo

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