Happiness Journal

dilley

Today is the last day of school in our community. Today is the last day of 2nd grade for Anna and 7th grade for Abigail. I look at their friends and see a huge change from last year to this year ~ both physically and emotionally.

Today at Anna’s school I helped run the Love Rocks station during field day. I showed a group of Anna’s friends some photos I keep in my Love Rocks bag, photos of Love Rocks placed around the world and of Anna and Abigail. One, a picture of Anna doing a killer handstand on the beach, prompted one of Anna’s friends to say, “I really miss her a lot.”

Spending time with my daughters friends makes my heart happy and at the same time makes me miss my girls so much. I choose to spend time with them so I can stay connected; and sometimes I can’t help but think it allows them to stay connected too.

Happy Summer Memories! 

Family Vacation 2013 ~ Orcas Island
Family Vacation 2013 ~ Orcas Island
Abigail going for it!
the talk
Anna telling me that I need to go next.
Mom going for it!
Mom going for it!
Anna telling us she will definitely jump next year, just not this year!

“Special Lemonade”

She was trying to raise some money for our trip to Ohio at the end of the summer. Our plans were to go to the American Girl Doll store in Columbus and she wanted to raise enough money to buy Saige, the doll of the year. She asked if she could have a lemonade stand by herself so she wouldn’t have to split the money with anyone ~ smart girl. She made the lemonade and then picked some strawberries out of our garden to put in each glass, she called it “special lemonade.”

With her earnings, some allowance money, birthday money and a little help from her mom and nana she was able to do it and she was so proud of herself.

 

I look at this photo and my heart aches ~ I miss her and her sister so much!

I would do anything for a glass of her “special lemonade” today – instead I will head over to Dutch Bros. here in Forest Grove and get a large drink. Today they are donating $1.00 of any large drink to Ballet Forest Grove Dance Scholarship which was set up in Anna and Abigail’s honor and helps girls who want to further their dance education. We feel very blessed by Forest Grove Dance Arts and the wonderful instructors and students that have honored our girls these last 19 months.

I am so grateful that Anna and Abigail’s lives are honored in so many beautiful ways.

Still, I just wish I was drinking her “special lemonade” and looking into those beautiful blue eyes today as she tells me about all of her summer plans.

 

Too Busy to Write…

…but not too busy to post a picture of my girls enjoying summer.

Summer

Every seasonal transition brings another wave of grief and sadness. Sometimes it’s similar to what I have felt before but sometimes, like this morning, it’s a new feeling of loss that overcomes me.

This morning, while shopping, I placed a Love Rock on the swimsuit stand next to the suit I thought Anna would like best. At that moment I remembered being so excited for summer with the girls ~ beach, water park, back yard water fights, lemonade stands, playdates with friends, snuggling on the couch on rainy days watching movies.

I used to live in bliss and sometimes, not very often, I would have a wave of true sadness. Now, I live in sadness and sometimes, not very often, I have waves of true bliss.

Bliss is the word I would use to describe my life before the girls went to Heaven ~ perfect happiness, great joy.

I know that my girls have bliss in Heaven and that is what I focus on now. That, and trying to figure out what swimsuit Anna would like at the age of 8 ~ probably not the one I picked out for her <3.

bathing suit

 

Intense Love

intense

It’s not the handmade cards, the breakfast in bed or even them asking over and over if I would like a milkshake on my special day…it’s just their beautiful faces smiling at me that I miss today.

Feeling their intense love from Heaven today!

Happiness Journal

garden 2

Our strawberries are ripening and the sun is shining ~ this makes me happy today. I also love that every time I’m outside the pinwheels at Anna and Abby’s Tree spin. I’m definitely feeling my girls presence today and that makes me extremely happy!!!

Heroes in Heaven

memorial dayI woke up this morning thinking of the many heroes in Heaven that fought for our country ~ our freedom.

I woke up thinking about Heaven and what it must be like to walk amongst these men and women who made the ultimate sacrifice.

I woke up thinking about my girls being in their presence and I smiled.

Today I remember the lives that have been lost.

Today I send love, joy and prayers to the families of those heroes.

Today I am grateful!