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Love Rock Adventure

I dread it, I hate going and I try to avoid it at all costs. This is a new feeling for me, one I’ve had for just over six months.

This morning Tom and I were discussing that since my parents will be coming later this week we should really go to the grocery store. I, with other errands to run today, said I would go even though it meant that today would be hard.

I would first stop at Winco and then Costco, two places we loved to go as a family.

We usually would go on Sunday after church. The girls loved to run ahead and sneak obscure items into the cart and see how long it took for us to figure it out. Sometimes those items came home with us. They would always ask for a treat, Abigail loved getting coffee from Winco in the cute little cup and Anna always wanted gum, her own pack, two if she felt lucky in asking. Tom would always ride the cart out of the store driving me bananas as he had a few close calls with the speed bumps. They would pile up in the car and Tom and I would pick in the bag to find something to eat for the ride home, usually mixed nuts and sugary yogurt drink they loved so much and was only purchased when we were all at the store together.

We had a lot of fun shopping for groceries together and it is one of the last memories I have with my girls. I remember being at Costco on the day before they went to Heaven and the girls sharing a giant ice cream cup purchased by their Dad/Tom as a treat. They both had huge smiles on their faces because they knew that he was about to get into trouble for buying so much ice cream. I also remember thinking, after taking few bites, how good it was and how lucky my girls were to have a dad/Tom that bought them ice cream.

Cherished memories for sure.

Going to the grocery store is reminder that I no longer need to buy anything to put in their lunches or to have for a bed night snack. There are no special treats or even the purchase of milk. There is no longer milk in our house, Tom and I are not milk drinkers and it would just go bad.

I usually spend moments stopped in random aisles, staring into space, remembering conversation about what cereal to buy or what type of crackers they would like for their lunches. They never wanted the same thing, that would have been to easy. I usually leave the store feeling sad and with an aching heart.

So today as I arrived at the store and I grabbed my purse from the passengers seat, I saw my bag of Love Rocks.

I smiled and thought that maybe, just maybe, I can make grocery shopping about spreading love and less of a reminder that I no longer need to shop for my girls.

As I moved through the store, my purse exceptionally heavy due to all the love it was holding, I stopped at our favorite items, not to put them into my cart but rather to place a Love Rock. I looked around, making sure no one was watching, put the Love Rock in it’s place and smiled.

I may not have to purchase Goldfish anymore but someone will feel the love of my girls when they do.

Reasons to Smile

While reading some of Abigail’s stories this morning I found a little notebook with some words in it. In the front cover Abigail wrote this quote which she adapted a bit.

“When life gives you a thousand reasons to cry, give life a million reasons to smile.” ~Author Unknown

My Abigail knew where it was at. Her life was not always easy or predictable and there were tears, but she always knew how to make those around her smile.

Blessed to be her Susan/Mom!

Our Happiness Journal

I would sit on Anna’s bed as she put on her pajamas, brushed her teeth and performed her nightly dance routine around her room. “Number one,” I would say and then she would tell me the first of three things that made her happy that day. I would write/draw in the journal making sure to leave lots of room for her to color.

She never struggled to find things that made her happy, most nights it was hard to narrow it down to the top three. When she was done with her nightly routine she would crawl into bed with me, colored pencils in hand, and critique my drawings. We would sit and talk about life while she would color that nights page.

She wanted me close, I wanted to be close. She would put away her journal, scoot down in her bed under the covers and we would say a prayer. “I love you to the moon and back” I would whisper and then I would say it as loud as I could. Abigail would yell it back from her room where she was snuggled up with her dad. Another day was done, my girls were tucked in and their sweet dreams were about to begin.

I think about Anna’s journal a lot. I sit in her room and go through it remembering each moment that made her happy and the stories that were told as she was dictating to me what to write. My girl lived a very full and happy life and for that I am so grateful.

I’ve decided that Fridays I’m going to carry on our tradition by sharing three things that have made me happy the past week. As I sit and reflect each week on my new journey I want to make sure that I am remembering the little things that have brought a smile to my face. I found that through my grief sometimes those little things are what bring me back to the surface when I’m full of sorrow.

We lived a happy life and I have hope that happiness will continue. Anna and Abigail taught us well.

1. Love Rocks ~ So happy to see all the love that is being shared by so many!

2. Our theater family makes me very happy~ after months of a lot of hard work Guys and Dolls is fantastic. Can’t wait for the opening tonight.

3. Sitting in Anna’s room, looking out the window at the girls tree and watching Stanley and his 5 babies play.

Threads of Life Quilt

This years quilt square is our first. A year ago we didn’t even know this quilt existed. This year I want to wrap myself up in it and celebrate all the lives that have been impacted by the stories that the quilt holds. We will continue to make squares in the years to come and honor those who have given or received the gift of life.

Making the square is a way in which we can honor our girls and share with other families that have received or donated organs. We are honored to be part of this family and while moving through this journey we are on we have found Abigail’s gift of life brings us tremendous joy. Hopefully one day we will hug those who carry a little piece of our girl with them daily. For now we pray for them and celebrate the story of how our two little girls have given so much to those around them.

The Thread’s of Life Quilt will be displayed in the Forest Grove Library starting this coming Monday and will be there for a week. I’m honored to have the quilt in our community and am grateful to our community library for displaying it.

I celebrate all of those people who have been impacted by organ donation. We are a family and I am proud of that fact.

The quilt is accompanied by a book that tells about each square. The stories of those the quilt represents are touching, both donors and recipients. The quilt is about life and loving; it brings a smile to my face and I’m sure it does the same for other family members of those who are impacted by organ donation.

Here’s what is written on Abigail’s page:

Honoring Abigail Robinson

Forest Grove, OR

Organ and Tissue Donor

Abigail Robinson was 11 yrs old when she went, along with her 6 yr old sister Anna, to Heaven on October 20, 2013. Both girls loved life to the fullest and were loved by everyone they encountered. Abigail was a 6th grader at Tom McCall Upper Elementary School where she had lots and lots of friends, played the trumbone in the band and made the best of every single day. Anna was a 1st grader at Dilley Elementary School and was just learning how to read. She too had lots of friends and loved recess where she spent her time swinging with her best friend McKenna. Both Abigail and Anna loved to dance, listen to music, spending time with their family and loved “hanging out” with their friends every chance they got.

Abigail, upon her death, was able to donate her organs to individuals who really needed them. We, her family, are so proud of what she has given to others.

Unfortunately Anna was unable to be an organ donor but during her life on earth gave so much which will continue even after her death.

Both girls are a light for so many!

The design for this square was taken from a drawing that was made by the girl’s mom, per Abigail’s request, to put on a sweatshirt that was bought this school year. Abigail loved drawing trees and Anna loved climbing them. The leaves are made of fabric that was found in both the girls sewing kits and has been used in many art projects by the girls. It is the same fabric that has made pillow covers, curtains and countless pajama bottoms.

The picture was taken at Orcas Island the summer of 2013 just before a long hike. Both girls are missed greatly but continue to give those they loved signs that Heaven is real and they are okay.

LOVE

So much LOVE.

It’s amazing what this four letter word can do to ones heart. Thank you for responding to Love Rocks and choosing to love fiercely those around you. I can’t wait to see how the love of two little girls and our amazing community ripples across the country.

Thank you to all of those who sent us cards, put flowers in our front yard, made homemade eclairs, made a cake or said prayers for us this past weekend. We are so blessed and feel so loved by so many. We have found that in having no expectations for what each holiday will bring, we are always amazed at the peace and love we feel as we move through our year of first. We know, without a doubt, that our girls were celebrating Easter and Tom’s birthday in the most glorious place of all. We smile at the thought of the perfect milkshakes they were drinking to honor their dad/Tom as we were eating store bought ice cream.

These next couple of weeks are going to be very busy for both of us. Right now we are in tech week for Guys and Dolls which opens this coming weekend. Once again we have spent the last 2 months with a group of amazing people laughing, creating and celebrating community theater. We feel so blessed to be a part of Theater in the Grove and have truly found that it is a place we not only feel the presence of our girls, but also are surrounded by people we truly love and love us.

We are also very excited to be hosting an event on May 3rd, alongside Donate Life Northwest, to celebrate the gifts that our girls have given during their lives. We feel very blessed to be part of the Donate Life family and are honored to share Abigail’s donation story. We are so proud of the fact that she has impacted so many lives through her donation. Anna has also given an amazing amount of gifts to those around her during her short life on earth and continues to do so now that she is in Heaven. I am looking forward to sharing with our community all of those gifts and to celebrate and bring awareness to organ donation. If you would like to attend you can register at http://www.donatelifenw.org/content/events.

Needless to say our plates are very full right now. Sometimes being busy is a blessing and sometimes it’s not. I have found that I have become quite the introvert and I find that a good day for me is one in which I can lock myself in my house and spend hours on iPhoto or in heaps of fabric in front of my sewing machine. My life is busy right now honoring my girls and celebrating their lives; this brings me joy.

I have found that even through this joy, moment by moment there are a variety of emotions. My heart hurts in places I didn’t know could hurt and it has also felt joy in ways I could never imagine, especially given our circumstances. My heart will never be whole again here on earth, pieces of it now reside in Heaven with my girls. I do however feel that with suffering emotional pain one can truly feel the joy in new and different ways they never thought they could. My girls have always brought me joy…now that joy is supernatural and a gift from God!

I love and miss them so much.

Love Rocks

One thing that I have found more than anything else these past six months is that my girls knew how to really love in their very short life here on earth. People have shared with us story after story of how my girls have impacted their lives. I think they will continue to do so even now that they are in Heaven. I feel so blessed that I got to feel that love daily.

I am so blessed to be Anna’s and Abigail’s mom.

When Tom and I got married the girls and Tom’s mom made heart rocks for people to write a little message on at our wedding.

Those rocks are found all over our house and remind us of all the love we had and continue to have surrounding us. When we came back to our house after the girls went to Heaven, those rocks had a whole new meaning – – so simple yet so powerful. We also had everyone take a Love Rock home with them to remember our special weekend. It’s nice to see these rocks when I visit their homes.

For Valentine’s Day this year I made Love Rocks for all the students in both Anna’s and Abigail’s classes. It made me smile to see the kids hold them tight in their hands as if they were holding Anna’s or Abigail’s hand tightly. Those smiles gave me an idea.

Wouldn’t it be fun to leave Love Rocks all over for others to find? People know how Tom and I are hurting, but for most people their struggles and hurts are hidden. You never know exactly what people are dealing with on any given day. Giving and receiving love is very therapeutic and definitely good for the soul.

To get involved, find or make a Love Rock and spread the joy. Give the rock to someone while doing an act of kindness for them, place the rock somewhere special for someone else to find or simply give the rock to someone and just let them know they are loved. You can write a little message on the back or just leave the heart to say it all.

I keep a bag of Love Rocks in my purse, in my car and I have a few in my jacket pocket. I have found so much pleasure in leaving these rocks in places people will find them. We took some to Seattle with us, I’ve left some on a long hike we did a couple of weekends ago and while getting my car fixed, I just left one on the counter at the dealership.

I smile at the thought of those who find them. What will they think? Will they feel the love? I sure hope so.

So, if you feel moved to join me in spreading love, get out your Mod Podge and go to the dollar store and buy a big bag of rocks and some fabric. Here is a little DIY for those who need it.

1. Cut hearts 2. Mod Podge top of rock 3. Place heart on wet Mod Podge and then apply another layer on top of the heart. Let dry and spread love!

After giving or receiving a Love Rock, log onto http://www.facebook.com/lovedrenched and share your story or pictures of your creative placements. Leaving a rock at the dealership was a bit tricky — I felt like a spy when I was doing it which made me think of the many times Anna and her friends would try desperately to sneak downstairs and spy on me while I was making dinner. I smile at that thought.

Anna and Abigail would be all over this. They would have hundreds of rocks made and would be leaving them all over the place. I smile to think that their love shines ever so bright.

Once again, I’m proud to be their Mom!

If you just don’t have the time to make your own Love Rocks visit Anna and Abigail’s tree. There is a basket of rocks already made just for you. Please take a few and spread the love. I promise it will come back ten fold.

LOVE ROCKS!

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