Being Resourceful

poor linusOn Monday Linus “got fixed.”

I made Tom take him to the vet because I was a little sad about it all and I didn’t want Linus to think it was my idea.

I remember back on the time when Sampson had surgeries where he wasn’t supposed to be active, I was dreading trying to do the same with Linus. Linus loves his walks, loves chasing the ball and loves playing with his good friend Stella. A week of trying to keep Linus calm and inactive may just put me over the edge with this big guy ~ so I thought.

We knew one thing for sure going in, “the cone of shame” was going to be around his neck for a week and if nothing else we would find humor in the situation.

Linus, our healer, has been a trooper this week. He’s been calm and seems to be ok with the fact that he needs some time to heal. “The cone” doesn’t seem to bother him at all. He actually sits really nice when I put it on him, almost suggesting that he likes wearing it. Yesterday I found him lying on the porch with a tennis ball in his mouth, I watched as he tossed it gently into the air catching it in the cone and then tilting his head around get it back in his mouth…this happened a handful of times and I have to say I was truly impressed by his antics. smart

This morning he desperately wanted to go out back, he loves chasing the cat and exploring the back yard each morning to see if there is anything new and exciting to eat. This time I found him lying on the back porch with a cone full of dirt. I’m not sure what he was saving it for but I give him credit for being resourceful.

This big yellow dog of mine sure does bring a smile to my face. Cone or no cone I’m glad we are his people and he is our healer.

healer with a stick

 

Distance

Last night I had a dream that I found Anna. She was missing and I found her.

I remember thinking I needed to call her dad and tell him, he was very worried about her too. I was afraid though that when I called he would want to take her for the weekend – one of the heartaches of a two house family is that there is always someone that is missing. This was something that always concerned Anna before she went to Heaven.

In my dream I held her tight promising I would never let go of her. She buried her head in my neck.

Then I woke up.

I cherish these encounters we have in the middle of the night. They seem to be more frequent lately ~ about once a week. I think Anna knows my heart is hurting.  Sometimes she sends her sister to visit which I love because I miss Abigail so much.

Their visits make the distance between here and Heaven seem less.

water park

“The fact that our heart yearns for something the earth can’t supply is the proof that Heaven must be our home.”  C.S. Lewis

 

My Siblings

In honor of National Siblings Day (had no idea that this day existed) I have decided to share this beautiful photo. I was making my confirmation and my mom insisted on taking a photo of the three of us all decked out in our Sunday best. The “wreath” on my head was my moms way of being different – every other little girl had a veil, I had a wreath. Needless to say baby’s breath was big back then and I had a lot of it tangled in my hair that day.

Throughout my life these two have been a rock for me. I love them both very much and I feel very blessed to call them my siblings.

Happy Siblings Day Bill and Jeff ~ sorry for the public humiliation.

confirmation
This photo makes me happy and laugh out loud.

 

Love Has Won

I love that when I look at our steps leading up to the girls’ rooms I can still hear them giggling, I can see Abigail running down the stairs to tell me something urgent and I can see Anna hooking her leg over the banister and sliding down to the end. I love the look on her face.

I love that when I’m in the bathroom standing at the mirror in the morning I can hear Anna singing in the shower. I love that when I think about how long her showers used to be I can hear her yell back after I’ve asked her to wrap it up, “mom, I’m relaxing under the warm water.”

I love that when I see kids hanging out in our neighborhood I can see Abigail in the mix. I love imagining the stories she would tell after “hanging out,” or the stories I would have tried to tactfully get out of her after “hanging out.” There are boys in these mixes ~ I love thinking about what teenage years would have brought our way. I love that Abigail was a great kid and that I really wasn’t worried about it all but rather excited for her.

Abs and friends

I love that I can still hear the girls asking what’s for dinner and then making faces at me if it wasn’t what they wanted or hugging me if it was. I can still feel the hugs.

I love that whenever I see a big box I can hear a giggle coming from inside of it. It’s absolutely amazing how a big box with some holes cut into it can keep a girl laughing for hours.

Anna in a box

I love that when anyone says IXL Math I can hear Abigail grumble under her breath.

~

I love these moments and at the same time they can cause pain in my heart. What would have been is a question I try not to ask because it always comes up empty. Instead I try to embrace these moments and the feelings that are evoked while I’m in the midst of remembering (easier said than done somedays).

I love that I can remember, feel, see, smell and hear my girls still and along with each of these memories I have a new one that I can embrace.

~

I love that a car full of children, Anna and Abigail’s friends, stopped in front of our house and little hands hid eggs filled with skittles all over our yard. We all love skittles.

I love that Tom and I got to spend Friday night with the heroes of our community and we got to see them be celebrated. Our community has a lot to be proud of in the men and woman who protect us. I know that Anna and Abigail are proud too.

I love when people share their Love Rocks stories with me and let me know that they will make and share love and joy too through Love Rocks. I love when they add that they will do that in honor of Anna and Abigail ~ two girls they may not have ever met but feel very connected to.

I love knowing that if the candles in front of the tree go out our favorite police officer lights them while he’s on duty. I love that he takes care Anna and Abigail in this way.

I love looking out my front window and watching while people take a few moments at Anna and Abigail’s tree. I love that children get excited to see the rainbow, look at their photos and find Love Rocks as keepsakes to remember their visit. I love that it is a place of peace and happiness.

I love that yesterday was a beautiful day spent with friends and family.

A day celebrating the fact that death has lost and Love has won.

 

 

Over and Over

I shared this video last January in a post called Bubbles. It’s one of my favorites but I would probably say that about all of our videos and photos at this point.

Today I sat and studied every little gesture each of them had as I watched over and over again. I then closed my eyes and listen to their voices, oh how I miss their voices. I smiled the moment Abigail gets frustrated with her sister, “ANNA!” I smiled at the little smirk my girl gives her frustrated sister, “at least we didn’t get it on my mom’s phone.”

Abigail’s room just the way she liked it…music playing.

Anna’s mouth full of gum…looks to me like 2-3 pieces.

Over and over and over again.

 

Anna and Abby’s Yard ~ Update

parkIt’s happening.

When Tom and I decided that we wanted to give the district office playground (or what we have always called our yard) an upgrade in honor of our girls, we really had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. That is not a statement of disappointment but rather of encouragement and utmost joy. The people we have met, the giving hearts that we have encountered, the joy that we have found in planning for this space has truly been a blessing in our new journey. Neither one of us had ever done anything like this before ~  in this life we are finding that there are lots of new ventures that have come our way that we were not prepared for. We are keeping our chins up, acting on the nudges we feel from above and, with much thought and gratitude for those who are helping us, building a space where love and joy is felt by all.

Here are some questions that are frequently asked about the progress of Anna and Abby’s Yard. I hope this gives those reading an idea of where we are in making this special place a reality. We have found that the process of planning, funding and, in the near future, building Anna and Abby’s Yard has been very organic. We have set dates but we trust that, no matter what, it will all happen when it’s supposed to happen.

How is the design for the play space coming along? This is a question that we get often and the answer is always the same. We are moving forward. Right now the design team, lead by Tom Norquist of GameTime, is working on the overall design of the play space. Two weeks ago I got a glimpse of what they have been working on, based on our input in terms of concept, and I have to say I am really happy. Everyone we have met from Tom’s team has truly been amazing and I have no doubt that they will design the perfect play space for Anna and Abby’s Yard. Our GameTime representative here in Portland, my dear friend Martha, is our liaison with the design team. She was part of our initial planning with Anna and Abby’s friends and is making sure that all of the ideas and dreams their friends had for this space are taken into consideration. We feel very grateful to everyone at GameTime ~ the care and dedication they have to Anna and Abby’s Yard is more than we could have ever asked for. They have truly been a blessing in this process.

Are we renovating the entire park or just putting in a new play space? Our plan is to give the entire park an upgrade. Depending on how much funding we can raise this may happen all at once or in phases. The plan is to put in a new fence around the park, a half fence that will separate the parking lot from the playground, add new picnic tables (which are being made by the Forest Grove High School wood class),  a Love Rock Memorial Garden as a space for reflection and andscape the entire space with low maintenance plants, bushes and trees. We would like to put in a small stage in the back corner, add moveable soccer goals to the field and add a lot of special touches that we know our girls would love – these items, as well as the parks overall design, are subject to review and approval by the School Board and City. This is all in addition to the new play space from GameTime. Nick Wilson from Atlas Landscape Architecture  is helping us with our overall design. We are very grateful for his expertise and for being part of our team.

What is your budget and how close are you to the overall goal? This is a great question but one that I can not answer yet. We have been amazed by the generosity of those in our community and from many others that have connected with our story and with our girls. The funds are being raised and I can’t help but say that it totally warms my heart the generosity of those who have given, held a fundraiser, sold lemonade, cookies and homemade goods and contributed their services in some way or another.

Can I still donate and if so is my donation tax deductible? Yes you can still donate and yes your donation is tax deductible. We have recently opened an account with the Forest Grove Community Foundation so that we can have donations be tax deductible. You can make checks out to The Forest Grove Community Foundation and then put Anna and Abby’s Yard in the notes section. Send your donation to Anna and Abby’s Yard c/o Forest Grove Community Foundation, 2417 Pacific Ave. Forest Grove, OR 97116. Once we receive your donation we will send you a receipt. We can not tell you enough how grateful we are to all of those who have donated in some way or another. We are so grateful.

Will the park be accessible to all kids? Yes. If you know anything about me or my family you know that we wouldn’t have it any other way. Parking for Anna and Abby’s Yard will be on the street around the park but we plan on putting in a few accessible parking spots in the district office parking lot. There will be a ramp to the playground with many features that are universal to all kids.  Our goal with Anna and Abby’s Yard is to build a space for all kids to come and play.

When will Anna and Abby’s Yard be done? Great question and one I ask myself all the time. My personal goal is to have Anna  and Abby’s Yard done by their second Heaven Day, which is Oct. 20th, 2015. As the team moves forward with the design, funds continue to be raised and resources gathered we will better know exactly what day we will be inviting everyone to come to the dedication.

Do you need volunteers? Yes. If you are interested in helping us we would love to hear from you. I am excited to say that we have had many volunteers help us along the way and sometimes it’s a simple as someone knows someone who has a bulldozer ~ which we will need eventually. Please send me an email at alovedrenchedlife@gmail.com and my dear friend Jennifer will get back to you soon. If you have something specific you would like to help with please include that in your email.

How is the Love Rock Run helping Anna and Abby’s Yard? All proceeds from the Love Rock Run will go to Anna and Abby’s Yard this year. Our hope is that in future years we are able to continue the Love Rock Run and have the proceeds go to other community projects or programs. Helping us market the run and getting people to participate would be a tremendous help. The Love Rocks community is worldwide so we have a virtual running option so that you don’t have to live in the area to participate. We hope to raise a lot of money through this event. If you or someone you know would like to sponsor the Love Rock Run you can send us an email and will send you an sponsorship application.

If you have any other questions please feel free to send me an email at alovedrenchedlife@gmail.com.

This process, like I said above, has been very organic and has taken many twist and turns ~ all being very positive. I have a feeling that, much like the Love Rock movement, Anna and Abby’s Yard will come to reality with some help from above. I am committed in allowing that to happen and to be open to whatever that is. I have no doubt that one day, soon, I will invite you all to come play in Anna and Abby’s Yard.

When we are all standing in that space we will all be able to say we did this together. As a community of people, that has made the choice to celebrate Anna and Abigail’s beautiful lives. We built a space to gather, play and celebrate the purest of love and joy!

I have no doubt that as we play in Anna and Abby’s Yard, my girls will be watching from Heaven ~ smiling, dancing and celebrating.