Keeping My Promise

We needed to make a plan. I had been wanting to take them for a while but with the family budget, activities and life it seemed we could never get it planned.

When Anna was born I remember daydreaming about this adventure (along with so many others we would take together) ~ knowing her eyes would be wide with excitement and we would experience the magic together.

When we blended families we would talk about going ~ I honestly don’t think Abigail ever thought it was a possibility.

Early October of last year I presented them with plan. We would work on saving our money for an entire year ~ pinching pennies, saving allowance and making sacrifices ~ all in the name of this Halloween adventure that the 3 of us would have together.

I don’t think they believed me at first but when the “How to Plan your Disney Vacation” CD came in the mail they both were so excited.

“You’re serious,” Abigail said to me with a look on her face I will never forget.

“Just the 3 of us, Disneyland, just like when we were stuck in Chicago,” Anna added with a giant smile on her face.

The 3 of us had so much fun together while traveling and they were so excited that I was indeed serious.

Today I’m getting on a plane and I’m going to Disneyland. I told them we were going and I am not breaking my promise.  We planned this trip together and I intend to honor those plans.

I will only need to buy one ticket at the park but I know the girls will definitely be there with me. As I’ve been packing this morning I can hear them, their excitement and laughter for the adventure ahead.

My plan once I get there ~ I’m not really sure, but I do know that I will be sharing as much love and joy as I can.

Abigail would be proud that I’m going solo and Anna would think I’m crazy. I smile thinking about the conversation they are having in Heaven and know that my heart will be protected by their love.

Disney World 1979 ~ 6 years old....my plan was to take this same picture of Anna.
Disney World 1979 ~ 6 years old.

Class 8 at Kiambogo Primary School

kiambogo

We arrived and within minutes most of our team had axes and were intrenched in removing the concrete floor from the classroom. The plan was to remove the old flooring, to pour concrete and then lay tile. We were there to assist a group of local men ~ we were there to connect and bless this little school in Kijabe.

Tom

While most of the team were busy tending to the job at hand a few of us were drawn elsewhere. I couldn’t help it ~ I couldn’t resist their smiles, laughter and beautiful nature. It was break and they were playing outside ~ all very curious of the visitors.

drawn elsewhere

I asked their names and they started writing them on my hand ~ Grace, Nancy, Mercy, Susan.  Such beautiful girls, all the same age as Abigail.

hand names

As the week progressed so did the classroom renovation and our connection with the kids. We became friends with the local workers, fine tuned our jump roping skills and shared an experience that will forever be close to my heart.

workjump roping

On Friday, we were blessed to be given the opportunity to share Love Rocks with the students. After sharing the Love Rock story and the love and joy of Anna and Abigail, we passed out small pieces of the concrete floor from class 8 and watched as they, all while asking questions about Anna and Abigail, made Love Rocks. At one point I was very overcome with emotion. I couldn’t believe I was in Africa sharing the Love and Joy of my girls.

love rocks k

The students really connected with the project and we decided that we would share the Love Rocks with their local church that Sunday. It was a perfect way to celebrate the local school, the work that was being done and to share the love and joy of my girls with this beautiful village.

church love rocks

I feel there were so many blessings that came from our time at Kiambogo. We went thinking we were going to be blessing them, we left being the ones that were blessed.

tile floor

perfect

Waiting Patiently

Abigail Donation“Abigail, come on, it’s time to go.”

I’m sure Miss Anna was a little impatient with her sister as she waited for her to get done in the hospital.

I like to think that as the doctors, nurses and the transplant team found matches and prepared Abigail for her surgery, Anna waited for her sister patiently, or not so patiently, so they could go to Heaven together.

This thought of them hand in hand brings me comfort.

~

A year ago calls were being made to say they had a perfect match.

My daughter was a perfect match.

I remember the team from Pacific Northwest Transplant Bank (PNTB), along with the staff from Randall Children’s Hospital, giving us updates on the status of her recipients.

They included us in the process of her care and made us part of their team. They asked about Anna and Abigail and listened as we shared stories. They created a caring and loving environment for us to grieve. They connected, loved and took such good care of Abigail.

They took such great care of us and still do.

Abigail was able to give the gift of life and sight through her organ donation. We feel that both girls were on their way to Heaven, hand in hand, on October 20th, but by the Grace of God, Abigail had to make one stop before she went.

On this day last year, total strangers were being wheeled into the operating room to be given a miracle from my daughter. I know that this gift is not taken lightly and is an answer to their prayers. I have met many recipients of similar gifts and I know that the joy in the miracle is felt concurrently with compassion and sorrow for the donor family.

Abigail’s right kidney was transplanted successfully to a man in his 50’s who had been on dialysis for 2 yrs.  He is doing well. We received a letter from him and his family last December.

Her left kidney recipient was a U.S. military veteran who was also on dialysis for the past two years. We recently got a letter from him telling us that his health is good and that he cherishes the gift Abigail gave him. We hope to meet him soon.

Abigail’s liver was transplanted into an 8-year-old boy. It has been told to us that he was able to return back to school after his transplant and is having a good time being a lively kid again.

Abigail was able to donate one cornea which gave sight to a 9 yr old in the Pacific Northwest. That child is able to see because of her gift.

Her pulmonary valve and conduit were distributed to a pediatric hospital in California and her aorta has produced 13 million vascular cells which have the potential to generate over 50 vascular grafts. These grafts will assist recipients with limb salvage and circulation issues.

We will pray to the end of our days for each of Abigail’s recipients.

~

“I’m ready to go Anna.”

“Finally, what took so long.”

“I just needed to answer some prayers before we left.”

~

There is a lot of guilt that is felt by those who receive organs and tissue, especially when it’s given by a child. Abigail was on her way to Heaven, her donation was a choice we made for her knowing full well she would have made the same choice.

We have met so many amazing people who have been touched by organ and tissue donation. We feel very blessed that Abigail was able to leave this legacy.

If you are not already an organ donor or have any questions about organ donation please contact Donate Life America.

UPDATE (OCT 2018) ~ Abigail’s pulmonary valve has been placed into a young girl in California and we have been blessed to meet her liver recipient. He is a teenager now and comes every year to the Love Rocks Run with his family.

Abs donor day

New Toy

I heard him wrestling something in the other room.

Curious, I quietly snuck in to see what he was doing.

This is what I found and I thought it was so appropriate that, of all the pillows he decided to chew on, it was this one.

story

I smiled and then took his new toy away.

Next time I’m sure he’ll be quieter.

linus cute

Embrace

I woke this morning with thoughts on this day last year.

I was sitting in the hospital listening to a machine that was keeping Abigail breathing, missing both of my girls terribly and fully aware of the reality that both of them were in Heaven.

That day I had a choice.

I could run and hide from this world, isolate myself in sorrow and be angry at everyone and everything for my circumstances or I could embrace my Heavenly Father, who was in that room with me grieving my girls, and allow Him to make good on His promise that for so many years I said I believed.

Being angry would have been easy. Angry at Tom, angry at the girl that was driving the car, angry at myself for not being home and angry at God for allowing this to happen.

That anger could have consumed me, isolated me from those I love, destroyed my marriage, hardened my heart and ultimately created an even greater distance between myself and my girls in Heaven.

This would have been easy to do because I was/am angry ~ my circumstances were/are not fair and I did not want the life that was/is before me.

Sitting in that hospital room I made a decision that was not easy. I chose to allow God, who I couldn’t control or see, to come and wrap His arms around me, lift the burden of my pain, bring peace to my heart that I still don’t understand and, most importantly, to have my girls. I accepted what I knew I could not change ~ my girls were in Heaven with God.

This choice is by far the greatest and most important choice that I have ever made in my life. In choosing to allow Him to work in my life and by completely surrendering to Him, I have felt such incredible love – just like He promised. When I am angry and feeling unbearable pain He is my lifeline ~ pulling me from the depths of my sorrow and breathing love into my heart.

Yesterday I saw a lot of rainbows because of that choice. If I would have chosen to turn away I would have missed them, I would have missed my girls.

Instead I felt their love and saw their light from Heaven.

Yesterday was beautiful and I am so grateful for God’s grace, love and everlasting peace. Through my sorrow He has shown me a joy that I know is only a fraction of the joy my girls feel in Heaven.

This time last year I said yes to God and He has held me ever since, giving me strength, courage and allowing me to see and appreciate the rainbows.

Anna and Abigail's Heaven Day ~ October 20, 2014
Anna and Abigail’s Heaven Day ~ October 20, 2014