Inspiration

She sat on the computer most of the night researching. She showed me her results and explained all of her findings. She was proud of her work and couldn’t wait to turn it in. Learning was fun in her 6th grade class and she was excited to go to school everyday. This had not always been the case so seeing this made me very happy. Her teacher, a friend, reported she was working hard and getting good grades. When I shared this with her she was happy and proud.

I was so proud of her.

She had been in 1st grade for about a month and the transition to her new school was going well. She loved to talk about her friends, her teacher and what she was learning. We read every morning and she was excited because it was getting easier. It was Friday afternoon and I had just dropped her off with her dad for a weekend away. The voicemail made my phone beep, I listened to the message. The principle called to let me know that my daughter was selected by her teacher for student of the month because she had transitioned so nicely to her new school, was making friends and working hard in class. I called her immediately to tell her. She was so happy and proud.

I was so proud of her.

As a parent you wonder what your kids will become, how their lives will come together and what impact they will have on the world by the choices they make. You celebrate the milestones and take pride in their accomplishments as independent beings that you helped to influence in some way. You have your ups and downs, ins and outs and sometimes even sideways periods; but through it all you hope they are happy, healthy and some how make the world a better place because of their choices and footprint.

My daughters are in Heaven so there will be no graduation to celebrate, no college dorm to decorate, no long talks over the phone about job decisions, no front row seats at their wedding or even grandchildren to hold. What my girls have done in their short lives here and what they are continuing to do now that they are in Heaven goes beyond anything I could have imagined they would do in their lifetime.

I wish they were here so we could talk about their accomplishments while eating dinner as a family or getting ready for bed.  I pray that they feel, hear or even in a super natural way see how proud I am of their lives.

I am so proud of them and who they have become, how their lives have come together and the impact they have had on the world.

I really don’t think I could be more proud of Anna and Abigail ~ they are an inspiration and are truly a blessing to me.

I am so proud to be their mom.

a goofy A2 2goofy

 

Love & Joy

No words today just focusing on their Love & Joy. They are giving so much to this world ~ so much more than I could even imagine. I am a proud mama!

So blessed!

Love 2 joy 2

Day Nine

I’ve been thinking about this post a lot this past week. Wondering how to turn my thoughts into words. I’m not sure where this is going to lead but I’m going to just let it flow.

This time last year there were lots and lots of hugs and kisses between Miss Anna and myself. She had just come home from an amazing Hawaiian adventure with her dad and step-mom; swimming with dolphins, playing with cousins and testing out her newly learned paddle boarding skills.

She was so excited to go and when she came back she had so many stories to tell.

As she was coming home we were just about to say goodbye to Abigail, she was going to visit family in Washington. She too shared stories, sent photos of her adventures and had a great time away with extended family.

As always, both girls were greatly missed while they were away.

Last week I had a thought about our time apart. It was Thursday and I remembered that last year, about day 9 of their adventures away, I started to get really excited about their arrival back home.

Day 9, my heart didn’t ache as much for their absence and I started looking forward to our reunion. Our time apart was almost over.

Day 9, that is where I feel I am choosing to live now and although my heart still aches every second, I find myself looking forward to our reunion.

This is how I honestly get through my day. If I didn’t have this truth I have no idea how I would function, how I would go on or how I could ever imagine spreading love and joy.

The pain of their absence is too great.

I know that my time with Anna and Abigail is not over and I trust that our reunion will be glorious, just like it always has been in the past.

It is up to God how long my day 9 will last -ten, twenty or maybe even forty years? Knowing that we will embrace again, share our adventures and be together will get me through each and every one of those years.

I will be honest and say that somedays, a lot of days, I beg God not to make it long, to let me finish my work here and for him to take me home. I know he has a plan for my life and I know he is using our suffering for good ~ I see that so clearly. Somedays though, I just want to be with my girls. These thoughts and feelings are not brought on by depression but rather the hope I have in eternity.

In all their trips away I was the one waiting for their homecoming, now I’m the one excited to go home.

Day 9

 

 

 

 

Lemon Love

At the beginning of summer, I always made sure we were stocked and ready to go at a moments notice. It usually started with a playdate and then someone running downstairs and yelling, “lemonade stand!”

They would sit at the counter and make signs to assist in their sales and would talk about how much a small glass of refreshing lemonade should be this time around. The small table would be transferred to the front yard and Anna would usually ask if she could use one of the fancy tablecloths. Sometimes they would ask if we could freeze some strawberries into the ice cubes for some added appeal, they knew that their customers liked that added touch.

The change box would be brought down from it’s hiding place in the closet. They always left some coins in there so that they were ready to go right then and didn’t need to find change. I’m sure it’s still in its place and ready to go right now.

These were the moments of pure joy in the summertime – kids yelling at the top of their lungs, “Lemonade, Lemonade, Lemonade for Sale!”

These are the moments that I miss.Anna and Ro signsAnna and Ro lemon loveAnna and Ro Stand

Last night at our community Farmer’s Market, two of Anna and Abigail’s friends reached their goal of raising $1000 to donate to the playground fund. Rowan designed shirts for them to wear, Carter stood and squeezed lemons and they both honored their friends by sharing Lemon Love with anyone who wanted a cup. They even got an article in our town newspaper, so proud of these boys.

lemon love 2DSC_0177

The team of Lemon Love is not done. They will be continuing to sell lemonade at the market on Wednesdays – so keep your eyes open for their yellow shirts and tie-dyed awning. Rowan also has another goal to sell 100 original Lemon Love prints which will be for sale in our online fundraising store soon. We like to think of these prints as a virtual glass of lemonade for all those people who are not local but would love to support the boy’s efforts.

We are so grateful for the hard work and dedication of all the kids that have helped to raise money for the playground. So far donations from the lemonade stand total $2175! I am amazed by what these kids have done for their friends, they are truly a blessing.

We are looking forward to the day we send out invites to come to play at Anna and Abby’s Yard!

*We have been asked a number of times how someone can go about donating to the park. All monetary donations can be made to Anna and Abby’s Memorial Fund and sent to Premium Community Bank, 2811 19th Ave. Forest Grove, OR, 97116.

Pillowcase

I’ve spent the last couple of hours on the computer, working on an online store to sell Love Rock kits and other handmade products to fundraise for Anna and Abby’s Yard.

I’m busy and I’m doing purposeful meaningful work. I’m smiling at the results and I’m focused on the end product. It’s all coming together nicely.

I stop what I’m doing on the computer to take a picture of a Love Rock kit to upload to the site. To get a better shot I need a piece of cloth to set it on, a pillowcase will work. The linen closet is in Anna’s bathroom.

I head into Anna’s room and wave of sadness rushes over me.

She’s not here anymore.

Sometimes when I’m busy, focused and using the wetsuit for its intended purpose I forget I have it on.

It’s never for long though and when the uncomfortable feeling returns it always hurts in new ways.

My girls are not here anymore. 

Wishing I was packing up snacks, yelling for the girls to get their suits and towels and heading to the fountains on this hot summer day.

Trusting God will get me through this unbearable heartache.

Missing my girls.

Abs fountain anna fountains