Anna and Abby’s Yard

anna and abby's yard

This morning I sat with my coffee at the park across the street and watched Linus play with his friend Stella.  They ran, played and were so happy to be free in this big open space. I closed my eyes and could see my girls running alongside them, laughing and being joyful.

This big open space is our canvas. We, with the help of many, will transform this park over the next year.

Stay tuned in the coming weeks to hear how you can help. We need to raise funds, gather volunteers, pull in resources and work together to create a park that honors the love that my girls had for playing in this space.

This space is Anna and Abby’s Yard!

 

Longing

When I sit down to write I usually try to clear my head and not think of this as a public space but rather a personal journal. When the words come so do the tears. I am grateful to have this space and grateful for what it has given me; a place to get the thoughts in my head out and a place to talk about our love drenched life.

I’ve been wanting to share with those who have been walking this journey with me that I read each and every comment that is posted and I appreciate each and every one of them. I’m sorry I can’t always respond back but know that your comments mean a lot to me. Thank you!

orcas girls 3

 

Yesterday was a hard day. Summer has been hard, so was winter. Life is hard.

I daydream a lot about the day I will be with my girls again; what that reunion will be like, the hug that we will share. I think about how Anna will be talking a mile a minute, sharing with me all the details of Heaven. Abigail will reveal all the secrets with a grin on her face.

I don’t want anyone to worry about me, I know that God has a plan and I can see parts of it very clearly. I still have a lot of work to do here but daydreaming about that moment is what I have and what gets me through the longing.

I am so thankful for God’s grace and for eternity. I can’t imagine going through this life without it.

 

Feels Like Yesterday

Sometimes on hot days this is the only thing that makes you feel better.

Abigail jumping without hesitation.
Abigail jumping without hesitation.

Finding it really hard to write. Missing my girls so much. It feels like just yesterday we were getting ready for our family vacation to Orcas Island.

I’ve been staying busy with Love Rocks, planning for the non-profit and working on the playground; all of which is keeping me focused on the work I know I need to do.

Although I know that my girls have a hand in all the love and joy that is being shared through Love Rocks, I still wish I could tell them that tonight we, as a family, were going to make some for our summer family vacation. I wish I could sit them both down and show them the plans for the playground. I wish we could all sit around the dinner table and dream up the perfect mission statement for the non-profit.

I wish we were standing on this cliff, Abigail jumping without hesitation and Anna telling us all that she will definitely jump the next time we came to Orcas Island.

I wish I didn’t know this deep sorrow. I miss my girls.

Anna telling us that she will jump next year.
Anna telling us that she will jump next year.

Rainbows in Africa

She came home from school that day so excited to share with me about her friend’s celebration. It was about 2 years ago and her little friend was turning 3 (I think) and her mom came to share her story with Anna’s class. Anna told me about how her little friend was from Africa and that her mom and dad adopted her.

She had all sorts of questions about adoption and why mommy’s and daddy’s wouldn’t be able to take care of their own children and why kids would end up in an orphanage in Africa. I remember the tone in her voice when she was asking these questions, she had concern that there were children out there that didn’t have a mommy and daddy to love them.

Ever since that day she would talk about how she too would love to go to Africa and visit children in an orphanage to honor her friend. We had sponsored two children, that shared her birthday, through World Vision, since she was one and we had always talked about visiting them someday. As time passed she began to talk about how she would like to have one child of her own when she was married and one that she adopted. I loved her nurturing heart, always taking care of the littlest and day dreaming about being a mama herself someday.

anna augie

About a month ago Tom and I were starting to talk about getting away from Forest Grove this Fall. We need to spend some time together outside of our regular day to day. I think we both realize that we definitely need time to reconnect on a different level and to work on our marriage. I think we both realize the Fall will be very hard.

I suggested Fiji and started doing some research and was sold on the idea of an island in the middle of nowhere and white sandy beaches.

Tom wasn’t sure about Fiji and posed the question which got us both thinking, “what will be different for us in Fiji?”

What would be different in Fiji?

Nothing.

We would be on an amazing vacation without our family and that would hurt.

We would come back to our life with a vacation under our belt and go right back into our current methods of interacting with one another.

The question was a good one and I’m glad he asked it.

We then began to pray for God’s guidance and his answer came rather quickly: we needed an event to share that wasn’t the current event of our lives. We needed to do God’s work, side by side and out of comfort zone.

We then talked with a dear friend of ours who is also one of the pastors at our church. We told him that we didn’t care where we went we just wanted to do God’s work. He then made some phone calls and within 12 hours Scott called us to set up a meeting. Scott works for Forward Edge Ministries and he had a group of people going to Kenya in September and would love to talk with us about joining this team.

A couple of days later, we met up with Scott for lunch and sat and shared our journey with him. It was very obvious to me that God was working and that this journey to Kenya was in his plan for us. As Scott told us about the trip and what the team would be doing I couldn’t help but smile, it is a perfect fit that which includes running a program for kids with disabilities in a small rural village. Scott had no idea I was an Adapted PE teacher. Like I said, God’s work.

Last night, Tom and I met up with Scott and some of the members of the Kenya team. As we sat around the table sharing what we were excited about and what was challenging us about our trip, my heart was full. It is amazing when you know that you are exactly where God wants you.  I’m excited to get to know each member of the team better and to experience Kenya with them. I look forward to seeing how God uses each and every one of us for his glory.

This morning I woke up thinking about how Anna was the day she shared her friend’s story, so caring and compassionate towards her classmate. I also recalled all of the prayers that we have said for our sponsored children in Rwanda and how excited Anna was to visit them someday.

I have no doubt that both of our girls will be with us on this journey.  Anna and Abigail will be making rainbows in Africa and their mom and dad/Tom will be spreading Love and Joy.

rainbow-clouds

Love Rocks in Kenya!