Happiness Journal

I can honestly say I really had no idea. I definitely had a bit of fear that I was going to put it out there and nothing would happen.

I was feeling the nudge and knew it was time. For months I had been thinking about giving back to all of those people who had supported and continue to stand by us in this journey we are now on. I would wake at night wondering how I could “pay it forward” to the many people who were continuing to pray for us daily. This wanting to do something was incredible strong and I eventually accepted the fact that it was from God. There have been many times when I’ve felt these nudges before, having an overwhelming feeling that I need to do something, usually something that was out of the norm or not part of my typical daily life.  I would either second guess those nudges, convince myself that I was too busy or just not respond. Eventually the feeling would go away and I would live my life as I wanted.

Now things are different, this journey is not of my choice and I’ve learned some incredible lessons from our Creator over the past 7 months. I feel the power of prayer every single moment of my life and I’m acutely aware of the Holy Spirit and how he has held me through my grief. The nudge of giving back and sharing Love and Joy was too strong to ignore nor did I want to.

I’m so glad that God gave me the nudge to start sharing the love and joy in a way that my girls, and my friends and family at our wedding, shared with us. The love and joy that Anna and Abigail gave us during their life here, and continue to give us now, is resonating in the hearts of many. My girls have made an impact that is far-reaching and sharing Love Rocks has taken a life of its own; all with the guidance of wanting to love one another and to spread hope that there can be love and joy, even in the saddest of times.

I am amazed daily at the stories and pictures of all the love and joy that is being spread. I love how Love Rocks has taken different forms depending on the creator or giver of the rock. I love that people have connected their own stories with each Love Rock that is made or found. I love that for some, it is about honoring my girls and that people are getting to know them and getting to see how truly amazing they are.

Thank you so much to those who are on this journey with me and for sharing and spreading love and joy. As I say often, I know two little girls who are smiling in Heaven!

Happiness Journal

1. Little hands holding Love Rocks.circle hand

2. Paleo treats (which I very rarely share with my husband) made from a dear friend.treats

3. The ability to remember these moments of pure joy. So grateful for these moments and my daughters’ friends’. best friends

 

 

 

Lake Life

No words today because I’m to busy to sit down and write. I need to figure something out because the words are all in my head and I find that getting them out is very good for me. With summer almost here I will be setting time aside everyday to just be, write and to spend time looking at my pictures. Seeing my girls smiles brings me so much joy.

Seeing my girl with her feet in the lake next to her Papa makes my heart very happy.

lake papa anna lake papa anna 2

 

The 20th

As this number on the calendar nears I always take a deep breath and think “another month closer”. I really can’t believe how time has past so quickly. I never thought I would be so grateful for this. I used to want it all to slow down so I would ultimately have more time here, always thinking I would go to Heaven first; now I just focus on listening and spreading Love and Joy until we are together again.

This morning I had moment when I remembered lying in bed with Anna talking about her fears, our faces so close I remember feeling her breath on my cheek. I remember her eyes welling up in tears, and all I wanted to do was protect her from any unpleasant thoughts she was having. I wanted to fight whatever demons came into her dreams and wanted to do what I could to keep her mind young and innocent forever. I remember holding her tight and never wanting to let go.

As these moments entered my thoughts today I took a deep breath and then a wave of peace came upon me. I stood there imagining her arms wrapped around me, comforting me, letting me know that she is just fine and that one day we will be together again. I could almost feel her breath on my check and for that I am so grateful.

She is holding me tight and I know will never let go.

Photo taken by: Corrie Coston
Photo taken by: Corrie Coston

 

 

This Face

I’ve been running around all morning and I finally just sat down to write. As I began to type I heard a faint sigh, looked down and saw this.

Linus asking me to go for a long walk. Linus nose

I guess I’ll write tomorrow.

Happiness Journal

This is what makes me happy this week, Love Rocks and Linus!

linus rockAfter a couple of weeks preparing for our presentation yesterday, and for the event we had a couple weeks ago, I am completely spent. I was supposed to help out with the Fun Run today at Anna’s school but had to cancel.

Today I spent the day with them – just the three of us. We did a little shopping this morning and I sat in each of their rooms for a bit this afternoon. Later we are going to do some sewing together. No distractions, just me my girls. Sounds crazy huh? Well, it’s what I have and I’m holding on to it.

I got this text from my dear friend who teaches at Anna’s school. This makes me happy too!

“A small group of us running holding hands had the idea of drawing a start line and running all the way around the track (even up hill which was super hard for some of us) for Anna. They were running yelling, “we are running for Anna!” Soon many others joined in to run for Anna. We are always loving her and thinking about her.”

My girl would have killed the Fun Run ~ just saying!

anna running 20

Found My Rainbow

rainbow rocks

A couple of months ago our friend Rebecca, from the Pacific Northwest Transplant Bank, asked us if we would come and share our story with medical staff from local and regional hospitals and transplant and procurement teams. Of course our answer was yes – so we wrote it on our calendar and slowly started to prepare ourselves for today; the day we would come face to face with the people who found homes for Abigail’s organs and tissue.

I was nervous and on edge, especially after my morning trigger.

Being able to share our story, one we wish we didn’t have, with these people meant the world to us. Looking out and seeing the faces of those who diligently worked on finding recipients for Abigail’s organs comforted me while I shared about our families last weekend together. I could see how much they cared about us, a donor family, and about our girls.

We shook the hand of the surgeon who performed Abigail’s surgery and we were able to thank him for his work. In his care our Abigail gave the greatest gift.

Today this was my rainbow. The trigger is gone and I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the men and women who dedicate their lives to helping donor families heal by working hard to place their loved ones organs, so those who are sick can live.

We did not have a choice on whether our girls were going to Heaven. We did have a choice on whether Abigail would leave a legacy of hope, I’m glad we made the decision we did.

I know both of my girls are smiling!