Peace Comes Through Loving

love rock blue

What I have found more than anything else these last 4 months through making and sharing Love Rocks is that people want to share and receive love!!! There is so much going on in our world and I truly feel that peace will come through loving.

I have felt this first hand in my own life.

There is something about these little rocks with fabric hearts on them that make people smile, think and want to share. If all 9,000 plus people in the Love Rock community made one Love Rock and placed it in the world just think what would happen if that kept multiplying.

Could our news be filled with stories of love, hope and how people take care of one another despite their differences?

Let’s share Love Rocks all over the place; with teachers and school staff as your kids go back to school, with your kids as they go back to school, with community members as you go to the grocery store or local market, with neighbors, with other people’s neighbors, with people who make big decisions in this country, with someone you need to forgive or who has asked for forgiveness, with individuals or families you know are going through a rough time, with our countries homeless as you wait for the light to turn green…basically share Love and Joy everywhere you go.

I know my girls are in Heaven, along with so many others, smiling at all the love and joy being shared.

This Love Rock community can truly make a difference…don’t give up because LOVE ROCKS!!!

Will you spread Love and Joy today?

He’s Back

blue and purple tree

He’s back ~ Stanley is back making a new nest.

As Tom and I stood by the tree on Saturday remodeling, he came springing through the grass and looked up at us, startled at first and then I swear he winked as if saying, “Thanks for the new digs.”

I’m sure Stanley is used to our antics, probably wondering when we are going to use the pom-pom yarn again.

I’ve learned that we can share the tree. I provide him with a bright, cheerful and peaceful place to raise his family and he provides me with stories I can tell.

I’m looking forward for the infants to arrive ~ hoping it provides some distraction from the falling leaves.

tree

 

 

Tami’s House

tami and girlsI remember feeling sick on the drive home, my heart hurting, thinking that working was going to confuse Anna.

I had just picked her up from child care and, upon leaving, I witnessed as she said Mama to the wrong person. She was just learning how to talk and of course I was always trying to get her to say Mama, pointing at myself and saying, “Who’s this?”

As we were about to leave she looked at Tami and said “Mama.”

I was a single working mom with limited options to stay at home with my child. That was bad enough – and now Anna was calling the wrong person Mama. Of course I was worried and my heart hurt.

After lots of processing and prayer it finally hit me.

To Anna I was Mama first and foremost. I was the person who cared for her, loved on her, set boundaries for her and picked her up when she needed love. I was there, always, when she needed me and when I wasn’t I provided her with someone who would love her like their own and provide her with all the love she needed while I was working. My name was Mama, nothing else.

Tami loved her, cared for her, set boundaries for her and picked her up when she needed love. She was there and I knew Anna was in the best hands possible while her and I were apart. By calling her mama it didn’t mean she was confused she was just solidifying the fact that their relationship was solid and she was happy to be there.

All I wanted was Anna to be happy and in the best possible hands while I was working.

Today would be the first day back to work for me and it would be Anna’s first day back at Tami house. Since she didn’t start school until a week after I started work she would spend that week with the friends she grew up with, Tami’s Littles.

The friendships she had at Tami’s house were solid and I know that I was one blessed Mom to have such an amazing place to send my child while I was working. Anna was loved by many but with Tami it was different.

That bond was solid – I knew that, Tami knew that and most importantly Anna knew that.

Their relationship taught me so much about being a mom and how important it is to have other people in your child’s life that will be there for them. It showed me that I didn’t always have the answers ~ if Anna needed to go somewhere else for comfort that it was ok and didn’t mean that I was any less of a parent to her.

Anna had so many strong women in her life, Tami, her step mom, all 4 of her grandmothers, her aunts and all the wonderful friends that I have that would be their for her in a heartbeat. These women helped raise Anna to be the amazing little girl that she was at 6 years old and no words can begin to express how grateful I am for the influence they had on my daughter.

This morning I sat in prayer reflecting on how grateful I am that Anna and I found Tami. She was there for Anna and then for Abigail, providing love and guidance in all areas of their lives.

Thank you Tami for loving our girls as your own and for always being there for them.

 

Jaguars

work 6I have only been back a few times for a visit. Each time was hard.

Next Monday the teacher who will be taking my position during my leave of absence will need a desk, my desk.

I’ve been putting it off all summer. I bought bins and cleared a space in the basement for all my teaching gear but I have been reluctant to actually go and clear out my space.

I know the decision to take the year off is a good one. I know that building playground will be a lot of work and I will need all the extra time I can get focusing on this journey. I also know that I can’t teach right now and in knowing that I have tremendous peace that taking this time is right.

Still, I’ve been reluctant to clear out my space.

With 2 days left, today was the day.

Not much had changed since October 17th, my last day of work before my girls went to Heaven. I opened a file on my desk that was labeled “Daisy” and while glancing over the papers inside, I remembered that Anna was working on learning the oath for her Daisy Troop.

On my bulletin board there are pictures of the people I love, individual shots and groups shots with different combinations. I used to sit and smile, feeling so blessed by my blended family.

Above the pictures there are pieces of artwork from my favorite artist, Anna. I even have one from when she wrote her name NNAA. I smiled as I took it down and put it in the box remembering the small amount of stress I had that she would never write it the correct way.

Sitting on my desk is one of my favorite photos of Anna. She was 2 with her hair in pigtails. Everyday I would look at that photo and wonder where the time was going. It seemed like just yesterday we were standing in that lavender field trying to get the perfect shot.

I’m so glad we did.

In the drawer I found some pictures that I forgot I had. They took me back to a time when I was just meeting Tom and Abigail was in third grade. She loved to come visit during the day when I was in my office, both of us feeling special that we had these encounters, blessed to be in each other’s life.

I miss that time.

If Abigail was asked what her favorite school was she would say her grade school. The building is new since her time there and a lot of her teachers are retired or have moved on but, as I was packing up my stuff, I couldn’t help but feel her presence with me helping me get through this transition.

As I drove away I decided to leave something behind in honor of Abigail and her years of being a Jaguar. I’m sure one day someone will see it and when they do I’m sure they will smile and think of my girls.

work 4

 

 

Broken

brokenI pulled into Joann’s for my weekly pickup of Love Rock supplies a few weeks ago and realized as I started to search that I didn’t have any Love Rocks on me. I must admit…I felt a little panic.

I then noticed a small broken rock on the floor of my car. It had been there for awhile. It was not round or even oval, not smooth, not polished or even a nice gray color. It did, however, have a heart on it – it was indeed a Love Rock.

I held this Love Rock in my hand and had the thought, “Why isn’t this one good enough?”

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.

Is sharing love and joy conditional? And should love and joy only be given to those we deem deserving of it? Who gets to decide if someone is deserving?

Yesterday morning I turned on the news to find out that an old neighbor of ours moved back to Forest Grove. I never knew this neighbor when she lived around the corner from us, but we are very connected now. This neighbor has spent the last 10 months away from her family and now she is home. I’m sure much like we are, she is broken.

In the last 10 months, Tom and I have been on a mission to spread love and joy in honor of our community and our girls, Anna and Abigail. We are not choosing to spread love to only the people who are perfect, smooth and polished – I’m not sure if we would be able to find anyone like that.  Rather, we share with everyone, being especially mindful of those who are broken in ways like us and our neighbor.

I know that when the day comes that I finally get to go home to be with God and my girls, I will see firsthand how God does not discriminate against His people. I am sure He does not divide us based on color, lifestyle or sin to determine who is more deserving of Heaven. We are all God’s children and His love is overflowing for each and every one of us – all we have to do is invite God into our lives and believe in that Love.

God commands us to love our neighbor and I know that is not always easy to do. Some would wonder why I would choose to love this particular neighbor after all we have been through. My answer is simple: I forgive and love her because God forgives and loves me. I am choosing love because this is what God commands me to do, even in the midst of unimaginable pain.

In choosing love I have found peace.

We are all broken, imperfect, rough around the edges and unpolished, just like my Love Rock. My hope is that the love and joy we spread is always rooted in God’s truth and is truly unconditional.

I will no longer be pulling only the perfect rocks from the bucket.